#this is just a silly post but my parents are both deeply fucked up

[national-hockey-gay]

my granny: i’ll send you money for groceries and your heart failure meds when college starts up

my mom: why do i have to drive you to the airport? 😫😫😫😫😫 can’t someone else do it??

my dad: what school are you going to this year?

[lynxgirlpaws]

[calliesmemes]

ABSOLUTELY UNHINGED COMEDIC RELIEF

ASSORTED QUOTES FROM TUMBLR TEXTPOSTS, X (formerly known as twitter) POSTS, TIKTOK, MEMES, AND OTHER SOURCES AROUND THE INTERNET

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Currently considering becoming a bother and a nuisance, maybe even a menace or a rascal. ”

“   Hungry? Eat the government. ”

“   Yes, I wanna fuck after every argument. ”

“   Silence, you uneducated peanut! ”

“  They should invent a being alive that isn’t so difficult. ”

“   Women have to think I’m hot or none of this matters. ”

“   Due to personal reasons I will be named an enemy of the state. ”

“   Being overdressed is a myth made up by people who didn’t want you to have fun and be sexy. ”

“   What even are daddy issues? Just traumatize your father back. ”

“   I LOVE complaining! You can’t take that away from me! ”

“   I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you. ”

“   I’m simultaneously ‘I’m tired of this grandpa’ and ‘that’s too damn bad!’ ”

“   The word ew coming out of a pretty girl’s mouth holds so much power … I think that it can tear apart nations. ”

“   Someone made fun of my shoes and the whole time I just thought of ways to push them out the window. ”

“   If you’re short, simply get taller. ”

“   I better think twice? Buddy I don’t even think once. ”

“   My off putting looks, awkward demeanor, and strange behavior have captivated you. ”

“   There’s something deeply, fundamentally wrong with you. Can we kiss? ”

“   You are a fool. When you walk, clown music plays. ”

“   I mean yeah he’s evil and all but what if I were his favorite? ”

“   I really do hate thinking. ”

“   In my defense, I simply do not vibe with the law. ”

“   I’ve done nothing wrong. Except all the atrocities. Besides that, I’m innocent. ”

“   Sorry I couldn’t hear you over my internal monologue. ”

“   Of course you have white hair and trauma. ”

“   So apparently the bad vibes I’ve been feeling are actually ‘severe psychological distress’. ”

“   Stop calling me a bad person just because I’m orchestrating your downfall! ”

“   The more lip gloss I collect the longer I live. ”

“   Sorry that I am obsessed with you in the unhealthiest way possible. As if it's my fault ”

“   The multiple failed assassination attempts against me have helped build both character and self esteem. ”

“   I could be your loser boyfriend. Do you ever think about that? ”

“   Accidentally went and got myself killed yesterday, but god wont let me die so I’m back ”

“   What do you mean napping isn't a good coping mechanism? What do you mean my problems are still here? ”

“   Academic validation is required for my sanity. ”

“   RIP to everyone killed by the gods for hubris but I’m different and better. Maybe even better than the gods. ”

“   Researching the stages of grief to see if I can get them finished in ten minutes tops. ”

“   My parents were like I’m gonna make a child that is so beyond help. ”

“   It’s not easy to admit when you’re wrong, and that’s why I won’t do it. ”

“   Why can’t this family ever have a funky good time? ”

“   How do I show people that I’m more than my unethical career choice? ”

“   I fucked my way into this mess, and I’ll fuck my way out. ”

“   You look so biteable today. ”

“   Why am I suffering? I have so many correct opinions and takes. ”

“   I AM HAUNTED BY A PAST THAT I CANNOT GO BACK TO! anyways ”

“   Challenging authority, angering gods. The family business. ”

“   Third base is me telling you about my father. ”

“   Hey girl. Plagued by terrifying visions? ”

“   Got caught giving a fuck. Embarrassing. ”

“   I didn’t ‘miss’ the red flags; I saw them and thought that they looked sexy. ”

“   Do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot? ”

“   I get my news from the only reliable source, cryptic symbolism in my dreams. ”

“   Another day of being a bisexual disaster. ”

“   I’m going to let myself be a little unhinged today, as a treat. ”

“   Some of you act like murder is such a big deal. ”

“   You wanna hunt me for sport so bad that it makes you look stupid. ”

“   You’re not a girlboss unless you’ve killed someone. ”

“   It’s so weird how no one ever has correct opinions about things except for me. ”

“   Hello, my love — I mean, my rival ”

“   No one is calling me baby and it’s outrageous I can’t believe it. ”

“   No talking stage. Mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or nothing. ”

“   I DON’T UNDERSTAND HOOKUP CULTURE DIE IN MY ARMS ”

“   Yes baby your emotional walls are high and impenetrable can we kiss now? ”

“   Affection is disgusting. Drown me in it. ”

“   I am gatekeeping my respect from you. ”

“   Well, well, well, if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions. ”

“   I am equal parts fuck around and find out and please don’t yell at me I’ll cry. ”

“   Short legs, big butt. I’m a corgi. ”

“   Fuck being the bigger person; I’m going to start biting people. ”

“   Well that wasn’t very slay of you! ”

“   May I please get a crumb of affection? ”

“   I crave power! Please don’t yell, though; I’m sensitive. ”

“   You call it a near death experience; I call it a vibe check from God. ”

“   Here are some scissors. Now cut it out. ”

“   Might commit a little tomfoolery, maybe even some shenanigans. ”

“   All these flavors, and you choose to be salty. ”

“   How can I live, laugh, love in these conditions? ”

“   What if I said ‘to be honest’ but then lied? ”

“   I'm financially at a stage where I understand why people do fraud. ”

“   Yes I may be evil and morally corrupt, but I’m also incredibly beautiful and I think that makes up for it honestly. ”

“   Debates are stupid. Why would I want to sit down and argue with someone blatantly dumber than me? ”

“   I forget but I do NOT forgive.. I'm just walking around hating bitches can't remember why ”

“   Ding dong your opinion is wrong! ”

“   I’m coming for your kneecaps. ”

“   You dropped your nose you fucking clown. ”

“   Are you a fire alarm? ‘Cause you are really fucking loud and annoying. ”

“   Call me an escalator, because I let people down. ”

“   I love me a good lesbian scandal! ”

“   If you can’t run away from your problems, you’re not running fast enough. ”

“   Everything I want to do is illegal. ”

“   Don’t make me hit your ankle with my Barbie scooter! ”

“   I tell gay jokes because I am a gay joke. ”

“   Fuck! I dropped my mental stability! ”

[samwinchesterism]

in re: “cas knows dean better than sam”

“cas sees dean as a whole person and sam just sees dean’s façade as his big brother slash parent” but like how and where. outside of your fanfiction. season and episode. scene and line. if it’s so obvious and apparent you should have at least 3-5 concrete examples right? “sam doesn’t know dean carried him out of the burning house” yeah but did cas? outside of a footnote in the angelic manila folder they gave him between seasons 3 and 4 so he could better manipulate him and sam into doing heaven’s bidding? like if you’re going to say “cas knows dean better than sam” than you need to show how cas succeeds where you perceive sam to be failing at the very least. but even your perceptions of how sam doesn’t measure up are so warped, blinkered, and moronic that it wouldn’t even be worth much if you could provide the textual evidence, but at least you’d have a semblance of a point. like say anything without going “as an eldest daughter…” “well my relationship with my sibling isn’t…” please say anything without fucking projecting your own self-pitying crybaby bullshit onto your little woobie dean and using the actual canon text of the show. I’m literally begging you.

like the thing of it all is and always has been that you’re so hell-bent on twisting the sam and dean relationship to fit into this narrow and almost entirely inaccurate mold which is the basis upon which you build the entire Destiel Mythos that you literally lose all sense of media literacy. you don’t even miss the forest for the trees, you miss the trees for like, the pretend invisible things you’re seeing in between the trees, the forest is a whole long way away from your current level of perception. because the Destiel Mythos is based entirely on the fact that dean is Not Seen and Not Appreciated and Not Loved and Cannot Be Himself until cas comes along, and that Family (read: sam) Is Only A Burden on Him That He Must Be Freed From In Order to Flourish, so you keep trying to warp the sam relationship into something that is only one dimension of it – and keep ignoring the ways in which dean is seen, loved and understood within it, because you need to keep lying to yourselves that there is a narrative need to emancipate dean from something that he has never wanted emancipation from because it is ultimately a net good for dean in the particular circumstances of their lives. it’s also profoundly unhealthy, codependent, evil and toxic etc. (a lot more dean’s fault than sam’s but I will nawt be getting into all that right now) but that doesn’t change the fact that sam and dean both know and understand and feel deeply that they are each other’s person – that they know the best and love the most in the world. but that – which IS true canon fact – is incompatible with the Destiel Mythos so it must be ignored and all good sense must be thrown out the window in order to do it.

anyway i digress there are two main categories of Bad Thinking that i will be addressing below

childhood/ “parent/child” / blah blah blah

every single thing people are saying in favour of the deeply stupid thesis in the title of this post is proof positive of the very silly form of ‘analysis’ I just described. a few things:

“wah sam didn’t know that dean carried him out of the burning house :( this means that dean withholds things from sam to protect him because he is a PARENT and sam can only know things about him in the context of him being a PARENT to him” – what the fuck are you on about genuinely. first of all reducing the sam/dean relationship exclusively to parent/child is in itself foolishness for so many reasons that I don’t have time for right now. but also, it’s clear that this is just something that happened when sam was a baby that just never came up. in the scene (1.09) where this is brought up, dean is mildly surprised that he or john never mentioned that detail and then states that sam knows the rest of the story (i.e. the actual traumatic stuff) just as well as dean does – which is true, demonstrably whenever they talk about it.

obviously there are some things that happened to dean in their childhood that sam doesn’t know about (or didn’t know about, until told in whatever episode they come up in). equally, there are things dean doesn’t know about sam’s childhood, e.g. the fact that he was so lonely he needed a zanna (11.08). or how dean didn’t remember that sam was friends with barry cook until he mentions it when they go back to their old school (4.13). or about the nature of sam’s relationship with amy pond (7.03). these don’t mean that ‘sam withheld these things to protect dean out of parental love’ lol, it’s just that there are details and events in each of their lives that the other happens to not have been told about.

similarly “sam didn’t even know dean wanted to be a firefighter L” girl did dean know sam wanted to be a lawyer? in 1.01 he’s pretty surprised that sam has a law school interview. the point here isn’t “neither sam nor dean know each other well,” these are minutiae that aren’t relevant to how well you know someone as a whole, and very poorly demonstrate the bad and inaccurate point that dean withholds things from sam the way a parent does a child (on a constant or regular basis). obviously the way they were raised, sam was deemed too young to know about certain things until he got older and dean had to keep that secret, but as shown in 3.08 flashbacks, most if not all of this is eventually revealed throughout their childhood when sam is still fairly young.

or possibly the dumbest one is that “wah sam doesn’t even know that dean reads books L” whenever that was he was also obviously joking because in more serious moments (e.g. 8.14) he admits that dean is smart/a better researcher than he is, literally remembers dean reading to him as a kid (8.21) so like. clam down  

one of the extra annoying variants of this type of ‘proof’ covers things that are very clearly novel pieces of information about dean that dean, sam, and the audience are learning about dean in real time. like if you’re actually watching the show to comprehend it as it was intended to be comprehended, instead of funnelling everything through the Destiel Machine until it’s unrecognizable slop that fits neatly into your pre-ordained molds that Make Destiel Necessary In the Narrative (when it actually isn’t, at all) it’s abundantly clear. the top two worst offenders:

“sam didn’t even know that dean is good with kids :( he doesn’t even realize that dean raised him :(” first of all you people need to understand that parentification does not literally create a parent-child dynamic between siblings but I digress – this doesn’t make any sense bro. in 1.03 dean admits he doesn’t know any kids as an adult. dean being good with his own kid brother when they were both kids is to any reasonable person not necessarily linked with him being good with other random kids when he’s an adult. in 1.03 it’s clear that dean himself is a bit surprised that he’s able to connect w/ lucas so well because he’s clearly not dealt with a lot of kids since sam grew up. the whole point of this is that dean, sam, and the audience are all sort of seeing a new side of dean. who again is just 26. after this very early episode, there’s no question from sam that dean is able to connect w kids. sam being a bit surprised by this also has absolutely zero connection with him not understanding or realizing that dean looked out for him when they were both kids – sam is standing there at 22 years of age talking about adult dean and children – of fucking course he doesn’t mean himself are you stupid.

from the very first season, sam is very clearly aware of everything dean ~did for him~ when they were kids, see e.g. 1.21: “Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. […] For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And I don't know, I just wanted to let you know, just in case.”

and 1.06: DEAN: Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. (SAM laughs.) SAM: Yeah, I know you are.

and then possibly even more stupidly, the one where it’s like “wah sam doesn’t even know dean can cook :( he doesn’t even know that DEAN was the one making him food as a babe in arms :(” – when sam is surprised that dean made something fairly gourmet and from scratch literally the first time they have ever had a permanent living space with a functional kitchen. in this VERY scene (8.14), dean himself points out that they haven’t had a kitchen before and when sam remarks on the irregularity of him doing serious cooking, he says “I’m nesting”, clearly showing that this is a novel development because they now have a kitchen, and that it’s irregular relative to past behaviour – both of them acknowledge this. because real proper in-depth cooking and making box mac and cheese for sam until he was like 11 and old enough to be left alone are two different things, which sam understands because he’s smart, unlike whoever chooses to make this point. dean never showed significant signs of liking to cook before this, which is what the exchange is about, but he did have to prepare food for them both when sam was too young – of course sam knows he had to, there are childhood memories referred to (e.g. 14.11) where sam is mentioned to literally help dean do the cooking as kids lol (and yes, genius, sam says ‘I didn’t know you knew what a kitchen was’ or something to that effect, but if you think he’s being 100% literal there I have an oceanfront property in Kansas to sell you)

again, obviously there are pieces that sam doesn’t know about dean, e.g. when he’s talking about his response to mary dying in 1.03. but again, Sam is 22, dean is 26, the last time they were in regular contact was when sam was 18-20, these are things that happen when people grow up, they’re able to reflect and share on childhood experiences if they’re close with their siblings as adults. it’s clearly not something that 26 y/o dean wanted to hide from 22 y/o sam. yes sam didn’t know everything about how dean felt when they were young, but that’s equally true in the other direction, and it’s such an irrelevant point in this discussion when, crucially, sam does learn these things about dean mostly fairly early on in the series (i.e. when they’re really not that deep into adulthood yet). cas was also not magically blessed w/ knowledge about dean, he also had to learn whatever it is that he knows, but somehow sam has to know everything about dean from age 7 or it doesn’t count when it’s sam lol.

“sam doesn’t know the One True Dean / doesn’t see through his facades”

the next branch of defending this flawed thesis is invariably that sam has little idea of the fronts and facades that dean puts up and is content to just believe them, whereas cas digs deep and sees the One True Dean that stupid sam always misses. there is nothing in the text that demonstrates this is true. multiple times, we see sam being very knowing of the fact that dean puts up fronts and facades. sam is also knowledgeable of the way dean perceives himself, and – demonstrated in multiple episodes before such sam lines were very poorly recycled and regurgitated into cas’s dialogue in 15.18, but keep acting like that was the first time anyone ever showed that they knew the One True Dean.

Obviously there are times where sam teases dean when he’s being more touchy-feely than usual, but 9.99 times out of 10 (as a conservative estimate in case there's something i'm forgetting otherwise i would say every time) that’s very clearly coming from a place of knowing the real dean vs. the façade he puts up because that’s the whole joke. and it’s allowed to be a joke because they’re siblings and that’s what siblings do lol. esp since sam and dean have touchy feely moments at the end of like every episode.

examples of all of the above off the top of my head (there are more than these, but these are the ones I can think of):

2.02 (about John’s death)

Sam: “I mean this ‘strong silent’ thing of yours, it's crap. […] I'm over it. This isn't just anyone we're talking about, this is Dad. I know how you felt about the man.”

Dean: “You know what, back off, all right? Just because I'm not caring and sharing like you want me to.”

Sam: “No, no, no, that's not what this is about, Dean. I don't care how you deal with this. But you have to deal with it, man. Listen, I'm your brother, all right? I just want to make sure you're okay.”

2.03 (Sam to Dean, also about John’s death): “You know, you slap on this big fake smile but I can see right through it. Because I know how you feel, Dean. Dad's dead. And he left a hole, and it hurts so bad you can't take it, but you can't just fill up that hole with whoever you want to. It's an insult to his memory.”

Note that Dean essentially admits that Sam is right in these two instances in 2.04 bc I know yall have stupid shit to say about john too that has nothing to do with how anyone actually felt about him in canon

3.07 (about Dean’s demon deal – also proven true in later episodes)

SAM: Dude, drop the attitude, Dean. Quit turning everything into a punch line. And you know something else? Stop trying to act like you're not afraid.

DEAN: I'm not!

SAM: You're lying. And you may as well drop it 'cause I can see right through you.

DEAN: You got no idea what you're talking about.

SAM: Yeah, I do. You're scared, Dean. You're scared because your year is running out, and you're still going to Hell, and you're freaked.

DEAN: And how do you know that?

SAM: Because I know you! […] Yeah, I've been following you around my entire life! I mean, I've been looking up to you since I was four, Dean. Studying you, trying to be just like my big brother. So yeah, I know you. Better than anyone else in the entire world. And this is exactly how you act when you're terrified. And, I mean, I can't blame you. It's just […] I wish you would drop the show and be my brother again. 'Cause... (can't find words; tears in his eyes) just 'cause.

5.18 [Sam figures out what Dean is doing re: his plan to let Michael possess him, tracks him down, and eventually is the catalyst for Dean ‘making the right call’, which he predicts] – e.g.:

SAM: No, you won’t. When push shoves, you’ll make the right call

DEAN: You know, if tables were turned…I’d let you rot in here. Hell, I have let you rot in here.

SAM: Yeah, well…I guess I’m not that smart.

DEAN: I—I don’t get it. Sam, why are you doing this?

SAM: Because… you’re still my big brother.

8.14 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18 + sam intrinsically understanding the trials are a death wish for dean): “I'm closing the gates. It's a suicide mission for you. I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it. […] I AM smart, and so are you. You're not a grunt, Dean. You're a genius – when it comes to lore, to – you're the best damn hunter I have ever seen – better than me, better than dad. I believe in you, Dean. So, please – please believe in me, too.”

10.22 (understanding how much dean has ~done for him~)

SAM: I'm saving my brother.

CASTIEL: You told Dean—

SAM: —I know what I told Dean. Cas, look. I've been the one out there, messed up and scared. And alone. And Dean—

CASTIEL: He did whatever he could to save you.

SAM: Yes. I mean, it's become his thing. I owe him this. I owe him everything.

10.23 (basically the o.g. version of whatever went on in 15.18, x2 – from Sam to Dean): “You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way. […] You will never, ever hear me say that you -- the real you -- is anything but good.”

11.13 (Sam understanding exactly how Dean feels about Amara being his ‘deepest desire’, and confirming that it doesn’t make him a bad person)

Dean: Why? Because if she is that means that I’m…

Sam: Means you’re what? Complicit? Weak? Evil?

Dean: For starters, yeah.

Sam: Dean. Do you honestly think you ever had a choice in the matter? She’s the sister of God, and for some reason she picked you and that sucks, but if you think I’m gonna blame you or judge you…I’m not.

Dean: You know that I want her ass dead.

Sam: Yes. Of course. And I know you’ve also probably beaten yourself up a hundred times over it, but where has that gotten us? (Long silence) Just how bad is it?

13.02 (Sam perfectly explaining Dean’s psyche to Jack)

JACK: Is that why Dean hates me?

SAM: Dean doesn’t hate you. It… Look, sometimes the wires in Dean’s head get crossed and—and he gets frustrated, and then he mixes frustration with anger, and—and fear.

JACK: Why would he be afraid?

SAM: Because Dean feels like it’s his job to protect everyone. And right now, we need to protect you. But we may also need to protect people from you.

14.03 [Sam assesses Dean’s psychological/emotional response to the Michael possession; end of episode, Dean confirms that Sam’s assessment was fully accurate]

14.10 [Sam is the only one able to snap Dean out of his weird Michael mind loop by using their code word]

14.11 [Sam figuring out that something is troubling Dean just based on the fact that Dean hugs him]

15.17 (self explanatory at this point)

DEAN: Chuck has to die. He has to! Otherwise he'll keep us tap dancing forever, and I can't live like that, man! I can't live like that! I won't!

SAM: I know you feel like that right now, okay. I know you do. But you gotta trust me. My entire life, you've protected me— from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but... it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true. So please... put the gun away. Just put it away, and we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do.

like maybe there are some cas moments w dean along these lines too. i don't know, i don't remember what the guy says or does anymore it's been too many years and he is not memorable. but the point is where and in what capacity and based on what metric other than the amount of bad fanfic you've read does cas exceed sam in these respects.

so basically just. genuinely, what are you people literally ever talking about. go watch the show instead of saying stupid wrong stuff about sam on the hellsites all day. or watch another show (please for the love of god watch any other show this one is absolutely lost on you and it’s such a stupid one too i'm embarrassed for you)

[angelicsjn]

I was the one that submitted the form and it had Hayden as my favourite with the passing comment that I made mad money just so he can have his career.

I know in the Domestic Life ask, he fears settling down due to the fact that he'd need to give up his photography for something more stable. But ha! Sike! His darling makes 6+ figures and is willing to support him fully. The cutie is gonna get the house husband treatment but hey, he gets to pursue photography with a big safety net. If anything, his photography profits is their play money for vacations and getting pampered together.

So, how would Hayden react to that? Would he enjoy it and settle down sooner?

- ✨ Anon

HAYDEN WEST.

A N: I love this so much. When I read your answer, something lit up inside of me. This is so real. Honestly, the dynamic sort of reminds me of Levi and William on tiktok. Their relationship are my actual goals... ps. If you see any typos and mistakes, no, you didn't. Look away, it never existed.

A B O U T: Hayden is apprehensive about settling down, but you have funds to do so. How does he feel about it? Read to find out.

W A R N I N G S: None. Other than Hayden being a sweetheart.

As stated in an old post, Hayden's only setback in settling down is his career path, and he knows that it's not sustainable in the long run.

Hayden isn't the type to sacrifice his passions to make life comfortable; his passions are his life. He would be nothing without them.

But he knows that at some point he will have to decide on what path he will take because he doesn't only have to pay for himself now, he also has you in his life.

But! Maybe there's another solution...?

Hayden's obsession with you grew in a short space of time, he went from watching you; hoping that you'd look his way one day to sleeping in your bed feeling more loved than he has ever been loved before. He takes care of you, you take care of him and even though you don't know about all the things he's done behind the scenes, you know how deeply he loves you. He just has a way of knowing you, understanding you like no other.

One thing that he never found out was how much money you had in your bank. Really, Hayden doesn't care much for that kind of thing. Whilst stalking you, he never pressed much attention into what jobs you did, where your money came from and how much you had; money is just a thing to survive to him. He wanted to know the silly and deep things about you.

He never questioned it either due to the fact that you live humbly — sure, more well off than him, but that wouldn't be hard, Hayden didn't grow up in the best of areas. To him a home cooked meal each day is a privilege and reward, so he knew you were rich in sense of. But not in the way you actually are.

When the conversation of moving in together comes up he sort of freezes. He didn't see how you'd both survive. Besides his general insecurities of you growing out of love for him — he saw how his parents were growing up — he was also shitting bricks over how to get a place and keep it without sacrificing everything and living unhappily.

A huge part of him felt that insecurity riddle it's way into his system over the fact that he, a man, can't provide. That's his job... right? How can he be considered a good man. A good boyfriend. If he can't even look after you?

But you were adamant. You knew he was the one, you've never felt so seen by someone before. He understands you, respects you, loves you for who you are. And that's when the conversation comes up...

"We can do this, Hayden." You said, watching him as his eyes scan across the screen. He was gobsmacked. How the fuck did he miss this? After all that time watching you he missed out the fact that you're loaded, maybe you landed the job yourself. Maybe it's a family thing. Who knows. He didn't know if he was meant to be impressed with you. Or pissed off that you didn't tell him. Or pissed off with himself for missing out such a big detail in your life. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just wanted to be seen for more than what I can offer." You finished, and he understood — not from personal experience. But he got it.

"I know." He mumbled, pushing the laptop away. "I understand, it's okay. I'd have done the same." Hayden meant it, you could tell as he flashed his usual lopsidedely shy smile, his eyes soft and warm. He took your hand and pressed a kiss against your knuckles. "But I want to help out."

You knew how he felt, it was clear as he looked away. He felt small. It wasn't a secret that you lead the relationship, it was natural. The pants fit you better and you both prefer it that way. But you understood how he felt in that moment, what can he give back when he doesn't have much to give.

"Focus on your studies. Continue with your photography and make a business out of it." You said, squeezing his hand in yours. "If you want, you can help out around the house, keep your part time job, I don't know. Anything. It's fine."

Hayden needed some time to think about it, let it roll around in his head until he finally made his decision...

Ultimately, you both knew what would work best. So you tested it out.

Pushing aside his initial insecurities, he realised that the dynamic between you both worked perfectly and if anything you had both never been closer.

Half a year later you're both happy and thriving. The house is beautiful and Hayden even has the space for his own room thats dedicated to his interests and photography, with the saved up money he's gained, thanks to you for being the main provider, he was able to set his business up more professionally and buy better equipment! He's able to turn his dream into a job and he's so grateful and happy for that.

The two of you live happily in your own bubble, Hayden being the homebody that he is, he thrives in his peace and space, even better when you're home with him. He's picked up on new hobbies in the meanwhile, mainly things to make the house a home.

From DIY to crochet, he's making things for the house left right and center and the place feels so cosy and happy.

"I noticed the new pillow covers." You said, something he obviously made, and it looks cute. "Thanks. I'm doing a selection for the different seasons." He shrugged, eating the meal he cooked for you both not long ago.

He cooked you your favourite meal, something he's always cooked for you. You enjoyed it, especially after a hard day at work.

Later that night you would watch movies together in the comfort of your living room, cuddling and eating snacks before accidentally falling asleep.

At first he was hesitant, he didn't want to feel like he wasn't giving you anything back. But in reality he had given you so much more than the both of you realised. Due to you being so busy making the money, he made the house a home and gave you a reason to love going back home to feel loved and secure.

[wildoceanstarz]

☆ Introduction ☆

Hi! You can call me Starz! (I have a few other names but this one is funky lol)

I'm 22 years old, I use them/them pronouns and if you just give me a nudge, i Will talk your ears out about my hc about the valkyries and the black sisters. Oh also fuck Joanne, hope you choke <3

Working on a register of marauders nicknames because it gets confusing :(+ new idea for the girls.

I'm mostly into:

✦ The Valkyries

✦ The Black Sisters (and their parents & partners)

✦ The Marauders

✦ And a sprinkle of Slytherin Skittles, Batfamily and Golden trio era (mostly Drarry)

(✦ Merlin is always in my mind but also I don’t wanna interact with it too much bcs they genuinely make me sick like I feel so strongly about them.)

Favorite ships:

Dorlene, Marylily, Pandalily, Jegulily, Quillkiller (+ Zabini on the weekend), Nobleflower, Noblesilver (Narcissa x Zabini), Wolfstar, Poppy x Minnie, and Sybill x Peter.

But honestly I can be sold anything that isn't icky (big age gap, power imbalance, INCEST, etc) if you’re convincing enough. I’m not a big fan of straight ships tho I’m gonna be frl… but any queer ship? Slay!

Fav platonic ships: Marlene & Peter & James, Marlene & Sirius, Moonflower

Favorite characters:

✶ Marlene McKinnon

✶ Peter Pettigrew

✶ Narcissa Malfoy

✶ Evelyn Zabini

✶ and honestly all the girlies ( Lily, Pandora, Mary, Dorcas, ...)

Beliefs, favorite headcanons and stuff under this (take a peek) :)

Things i believe in that can be controversial(?):

Begging people to stop making Peter fucking skinny I'm being so serious, I WILL block you. (also when people don't include Pete as a member of the group like he was chosen as Secret Keeper because he was their BEST FRIEND be frl)

Lily Evans is polyamorous and she's so real for that (with maybe a hint of aromantic vibes tbf)

PANDORA DOESN'T HAVE THE SAME PERSONALITY AS LUNA *cries* no but frl like Xenophilius is right there being a fucking Luna clone and you're gonna give her personality to Pandora?? (i need to get more into how i see her, will make a post at some point lol) Also I don't believe in the hc that she's a Rosier and Evans twin.

If you're gonna redeem Barty and Evan, you cannot go and shit on Bellatrix like let's be serious. You definitely can not like her but why are you over there calling her a psycho (derogatory).. have you seen your boys? (also people are sleeping on the Black Sisters as a whole)

Sybill Trelawney is such an interesting character and I think giving so much of her characteristics to Pandora water them both down. Also the angst is so good? Like come on guys (more on this)

I actually think Severus Snape is an interesting characters.

You shouldn't buy official merch or tickets to events or anything that would give money to jkr because that makes her believe people support her in her views about Trans People.

Favorite headcanons:

✮ Peter, James and Marlene being childhood best friends

✮ Fat Lily my beloved <3

✮ Dorcas and Marlene doing each other's hair every month after getting together (Dorcas dye Marlene's hair blonde and Marlene learn how to braid so she can do new protective styles for Dorcas)

✮ Bellatrix, Rita and Evelyn being the Diamonds and terrorising Hogwarts when they were there.

✮ Peter k!lling Marlene :)

More about me:

My first language is French. I have the shittiest sleep schedule known to man. I am a professional yapper.

I'm absolute shit with tone so might use tone indicator (but tbf the wonder of # here are making this much easier)

If you couldn’t tell from my choices up there, I fucking love angst. I’m writing sad shit and giggling, I’m writing happy shit so the angst is sadder. I Will make you cry (hopefully).

I’m also mad silly.

I have a few others account in the marauders community (Insta, Tiktok, Ao3, ...) but it's a secret (lol)

If you’re interested in what I like to say here, just look up the #starz yap tag, it’s what I use when I have ideas that I write more deeply about. :) + #starz hc for when it’s a personal add on headcanons. Using @starztakes for reposting just my hc and yapping without all the extra stuff.

Alright i think that covers it up. Hope you enjoy my account! P.S: idm stalking of my page and spamming lol so go for it (I do it by accident all the time… #starz struggle)

☆Yeehaa☆

oh also i'm a Marlene kinnie. kiss.

🍉

[slightlyhopefulromantic]

Wait if Glenn dies in this Au does Morgan go on trail ?! More importantly Mommy Jodie?!

OH ANON . YOUVE UNLOCKED MY TRAP CARD . yes! yes she does!! this is actually the part of the au i started with on tumblr, and its my FAVORITE part of this au (except for the lesbianisms XD), so im just gonna link you to that! though as a note, the designs are a lil out of date! except morgans. ive always known her. ill reiterate some of that here below, but ill try to be briefer LOL and also talk A Lot More about jodie/his and morgan's relationship in this au!

there is NOT a fifth mom. i did not particularly feel like making a wlw cop character. theres enough of those in the world, theres a reason why ive never genderbent jodie even though hes my baby girl. instead, i twisted the punishment so that jodie is still married to morgan! essentially, morgan is made to retroactively be married to a "safer" parent, who in this case, is jodie. hes as protective as she is but without the paranoia, he has a "safe" job (according to copaganda, at least, im not gonna go into a full spiel but Never Marry A Fucking Cop. please love yourself), hes an all around very cheerful and loving man who is very capable of keeping morgan and nicholas safe. the opposite of glenn, really, minus the cheerful and loving part.

(as a side note: jodie does quit the force in this au - on earth, while the moms are trapped in the forgotten realms, their missing persons case is waved off repeatedly by the police. jodie very strongly insists, a lot, on trying to push the case, but once the dads team up to try and save their wives, ala the moms in normal canon teaming up, henry just. goes on a whole rant many times about how cops dont actually care and it starts really settling in with jodie. so he quits the force to focus full time on helping their wives! post season 1, he works as a mall security guard and is pathetic about it <3 my wet cat)

morgan does not take this well, understandably. jodie does not take his loving wife suddenly not knowing him anymore very well, either! theyre both really fucking sad! i am like, seriously obsessed with their dynamic, theres so many different ways i could take it and i spin them in my head endlessly. currently, im very fond of them just like... trying to make it work? not necessarily as a couple, but as co-parents who are married. despite her apprehensions about everything jodie has going on, morgan finds him interesting and in a more sympathetic sense, feels for him in the sense that he lost his wife due to the timeline jump. jodie is just... in love with her. even though she isnt his morgan anymore, he still loves her, and hes willing to learn about this new her. even if she makes him really sad constantly. they settle into being like, weird half-friends, half-lovers, full-time parents to the world's silliest little guy (a deeply serious 13-year-old boy).

im not gonna draw anything new for this, but i will toss in a VERY ROUGH sketch i did a few days ago and sent to my dear friend cereal because i was thinking about them gfhjbdghdfj post-s1 morgan and jodie, you are sooo so funny to me

i will throw you a bone for mommy jodie, though. there in an au of this au where mercedes goes on trial instead, and so henry and jodie are gay married. jodie does count as a mom in that. hes a man mom. cereal is obsessed with it so i will likely draw out some stuff for that at some point LMAOOOO theyre so silly <3 jodie oak you mean everything to me actually

[polyamyeti]

Hi, I’m a femme non-binary human! Last year, my husband and I (married for 5 years, been together for 12) embarked on a polyamorous journey. It’s been a sort of a wild ride and I just wanted a place where I could write about it without having a lot of close family seeing as we’re not fully out to them. Some know like my parents and sibling and some of my cousins. His family doesn’t know except for a couple of his close cousins.

I came out to my husband as bi when I was 27 (31 yo now). Since we’ve been together since I was 19, I never got to fully experience my queer side as I am a late bloomer. It’s sort of why we started talking about polyamory as I still love him deeply and want to be with him, but also want to have more experiences with other people. He also had only been with me sexually, so he also wanted to have new experiences, which made it only fair for the both of us. We are still very much in love and I’m happy we can securely do this together. It doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard. There’s many things we have both had to look at it in our relationship and things we have also had to mourn as our relationship changes and moves to a new dynamic. Ultimately though, it has brought us closer and made us examine what we both want out of life and each other.

A lot of this will be sort of stream-of-consciousness style, not really planned. Just things I’m sort of thinking about and things I want to talk openly about.

I recently just came out to my husband as non-binary/gender fluid as well. I’m so happy I can be with such a supportive person who wants me to be fully me!

I hope to find one or more people like that to be with, but so far I haven’t had much luck. I’ve dated a few people, but the lesbian romance I desire just hasn’t really happened yet. I thought I was close to one recently, but it ended in heartbreak, unfortunately. I think we mostly liked the idea of each other more than the actual person. The sex was really hot and intense though and I find myself thinking about it a lot. Last night I had a dream about eating pussy and now it’s all I can think about. I’ve only had sex with femmes a handful of times so I’m still pretty new at it (again, late bloomer). All I want to do is become so good at eating pussy and I want to build up my tongue strength, so if you have any tips, please let me know!

It’s so hard to find what I’m looking for, and dating apps are just sort of depressing. I’ve decided to take a little bit of time for myself and prepare my house for a potential love interest. Right now our guest bedroom isn’t really set up for, well, guests. I’m hoping if I build it maybe they will come? Sort of like a manifestation?

It’s funny because I feel like such a baby queer but in a 31 year old body. Like I’m watching the L Word for the first time just now. I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I’m queer enough. I present straight with my husband and I know there’s privilege in that, but it’s so hard when my insides don’t really match the outsides. Like I’m queer as fuck and I want everyone to know it. And don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and I’m still so attracted to him. This is just a side of me that I’ve suppressed for so long and it’s just dying to see the light.

I feel silly for even making this tumblr and this post. Who knows how long I’ll keep it up for, but I just wanted to put it out there. Who knows who will be able to relate? Maybe you have insight? Maybe you’ll just like to hear about this journey?

What do you want to know?

[shealynn88]

Rarepairs of my heart:

I saw a post a while ago, decided I wanted to do a quick dive, and months later…

I knew I was into cross-gen HP, but I didn’t realize how MUCH until this moment. 😅

Trust is my number one requirement in a pairing. Most of these don’t start with trust, but I can see it developing, or have seen it developed beautifully in a fic.

Snarry- not sure if this counts as a rarepair, honestly, but I don’t see it nearly so much as Drarry, esp in my circles, so…

Here’s the thing. They were both caught up and damaged by war. They’re linked by Harry’s mother in a really incredibly fucked up way, they give enemies to lovers vibes, and I can see the appeal of Snape and Draco to Harry being similar - they don’t hero worship him. The dynamic is just wonderful for hurt/comfort in either direction. Love it. So much angst, h/c, I-shouldn’t-but-I-want-it-anyway potential.

Snamione - Snape is smart as hell. He understands being Muggle. He appreciates brains. He has a lot to offer from that pov. Plenty of toxic potential, but also, in a lot of stories (they are the reining king and queen of forced marriage out there on ao3, and I’m here for it), they learn to appreciate and love each other over time.

Remus/harry - this one just came up for me recently with a kinktober prompt, and I love it so much. Both damaged by war, both have complexes of brokenness, of needing to prove themselves, and they’re linked - by Teddy, by Sirius, by Harry’s parents, by the Order. I love them as a slow burn after the war, healing each other with their friendship, shoved together by circumstance.

Sirry - I don’t even necessarily have a good reason for this. Sirius is a bit unhinged, and his wildness could definitely call to the wild in Harry. And they’re close, but not in a godfather&godson way because that formative time was taken from them. Sirius lost so much of his life to Azkaban. Lived experience-wise, they’re not that far off in age, and I feel like they would be explosive to start and then hopefully find something a little deeper, a little quieter. Solace. Stability.

Dronarry - I got into this fandom via Drarry, but recently, I’ve enjoyed seeing Ron in the mix. He’s goofy and lightens things up a bit, but he feels very deeply. I love the dynamic of them altogether.

Teddy/Drarry - I also love adding Teddy to the mix. They’ve loved him forever, and when he finds he has feelings for them, Draco is the one who’ll ignore silly things like the questionable morality of sleeping with your godson when he knows it’s what’ll make them all happy.

Draco/Albus - the dirty wrong here is just perfect. The age gap. The getting back at Harry (for both Draco and Albus) but also the not being able to have Harry (on Draco’s side). Plus, the idea of a Slytherin mind in a Harry lookalike? Potential.

Harry/Scorpius - ah, yes, more dirty wrong! I love Harry trying not to, and Scorpius talking him into it, a combination of hero worship and admiration and being taken care of in a totally different way by Albus’s dad than by his own.

[puppysweetheart]

i'm bored so i kind of want to write a non-fetish post elaborating on disability and my relationship with my beautiful dyke husband for my tiny audience

i do address them as "daddy," which is partially just a dom title but does in part refer to the fact that they take care of me. this caretaking happens largely because my specific combo of disabilities means i need more help and guidance to live than the average adult; husband and my therapist are my main supports for my continued survival. i really do need husband/daddy's help to get along, beyond any sort of kink, and i'm coming to terms with it.

gonna stick a read more here bc this is turning into an essay 😭 (warning for a brief mention of suicide/being suicidal)

after i emotionally/physically struggled my way through college, young adult life didn't prove any easier and hasn't yet let up! 😭 without the support of my parents at first and later husband, i wouldn't make it. i'd starve, or never pay my bills, or off myself, or end up hiding in my house forever. husband and me accepting that they do play a disability caregiver role has been good for me, if difficult for me to not be upset about (i deal with lots of feelings of being a burden). fitting it into our existing dom/sub dynamic and making daddy/puppy a more regular part of our life at home has actually really helped me pull myself out of the absolute desolation of it all! we both get to have fun with it and not always dwell on the serious parts of my situation.

husband is disabled too, so the helping is reciprocal, but in general they are the one who makes sure i'm meeting my daily needs and has fidget toys on hand for both of us and helps me figure out complicated government paperwork and stuff. they recognize when i'm starting to get stressed or upset or overwhelmed, sometimes before i even realize it myself, and they know what they can do to help (like take me out of a loud bright place or bring me a stuffie...or a dab pen :P). they are also currently our only source of income because i am the unemployed kind of disabled right now.

this whole thing makes our dynamic deep, complicated, sometimes very intimate and special and sometimes incredibly mundane, and just...uniquely ours. daddy helps me learn new life skills, cuddles me, buys me plushies, makes me dinner, fucks me silly at their own discretion, and makes sure i'm not allowing myself to decay due to The Brain Problems. in return, i cuddle them to death, sometimes top and dom ("pretending to be the daddy," as they have called it) bc they're a vers switch and so am i, and make them take breaks from work and remember their meds and enforce their boundaries at work (otherwise nonprofit work will wring you dry). i just love them so, so much, and daddy is the affectionate nickname i've given them out of that deep love. the name "daddy" also encapsulates the feelings of responsibility and affection they have for me as both a caretaker and a partner. i'm unfathomably grateful to have someone who guides me through life and cares about me so deeply. they're my daddy, y'know? :)

[deviantartdramahub]

9 notes

Okie, about time I talk about this biggie.

So first things first, I'll be responsible and admit some mistakes, It turns out Tam was only identifying as NB for pride month. Idk and I don't think he knows what they really are yet, but still, don't try to dictate him DADramaNow, as they now know and understand after I explained it to him. However, they told me in chat that he wants to use both he/him, and they/them pronouns, so actually respect those this time unlike this bullshit here -> 1 note (Just bc you put their correct at the time pronouns in parenthesis next to his at the time dead pronouns, doesn't make you any less in the wrong, you moronic cop-out.)

Also I acknowledge that they probably shouldn't use Google Translate as the only way to speak other languages, and should get actual knowledge from his parents. But don't think it gives you an excuse to attack them, alright?

Tam is still a great friend of mine who I care about deeply. And if I ever have to, I'll protect him.

Anyways let's get into the parts where YOU'RE in the wrong!! :)

So for the first reason about Club, oh I created a whole post here that proves you attacking him is just ableism!! :D

-> https://www.tumblr.com/deviantartdramahub/728512331840143360/so-dadramanow-youre-not-just-attacking-club?source=share

And yeah he's just trying to talk to people. He doesn't pressure them at all. "It is NOT Club’s job, nor is is he even qualified to teach other people, ESPECIALLY young minors about changing diapers of disabled people." He doesn't pretend to be a professional, he's just informing others in a fun way. You don't have to have a degree on something to be knowledgeable about it. And as a guy with autism and obviously knows what it's like, he's a good source of it. "Not to mention that his Eduard character is 9 years old and uses baby talk." He doesn't do "baby talk", he's just mostly non verbal. Ooh, making fun of non-verbal autistic people are we?? Thanks for more proof this is just ableism <3

"If you knew even the bit slightest thing about people with disabilities" Lol that's rich, I myself have autism, you twit. "Honestly, would you want a grown adult 20+ asking/saying to you a young teenaged woman things such as “Would like a widdle cookie, sweetie pie?” or “Let’s go upsiy daisy, boo boo!” or “Do you have to go potty, honey bear?” ? No, you wouldn’t, because it’s weird and makes you uncomfortable." Yeah, I DO in fact hate it, so how about your whole ass group stops talking down to me, thanks?? "If you knew anything, or even cared to do as much research as you do defending Club, you would know that not all grooming is sexual in nature!"

...

"you would know that not all grooming is sexual in nature!" ...

Okay, so I agree with that statement on it's own but...IS CLUB'S THING A SEXUAL FETISH OR NOT??! If you're going to harass and make up slander about people, AT LEAST KEEP YOUR GODDAMN STORIES STRAIGHT!!! This itself is huge proof these guys are full of shit and the whole Club drama is based on lies.

"Do you recall Tam drawing his teenaged persona KISSING Eduard who is age 9?" Not to throw my friend Tam under the bus of course sense he learned and matured since then and now knows better, but...HOW THE HELL IS THAT CLUB'S FAULT??! HE DIDN'T WANT THAT! "Plus, it he’s so innocent, why do comments, journals, and accounts of being victims from multiple users such these exist" Bc those are people just like you who want to cause rumor-spreading and trouble.

Now for the second one with my transphobic claim. Here's the quote I want to talk about in that section: "Tam is being silly, because that’s what kids do, and as the older one between the two of you, YOU should be educating him, not supporting bad behavior." Excuse me, but didn't you get pissed bc Club encourages older siblings to help out a little bit? And now you're over here straight up trying to force me to be a caretaker of my fucking friend. Same with this quote in the third section -> "This is an insult to his people, and AGAIN, YOU SHOULD BE EDUCATING TAM INSTEAD OF ENCOURAGING THIS BEHAVIOR!" I'm a 15 year old teenage girl, DADramaNow, NOT A FUCKING TEACHER! I'd be happy to teach my friend things but you can't yell at Club for educating and encouraging people to help others, then turn around and yell at me for not mothering my fucking friend.

LMAO AND THEN WE HAVE THE 4TH SECTION, WHICH IS LITERALLY JUST "Honestly speaking, you are only saying this because you are scared of Tri doxxing and harassing you like she did before. Tri is well known for doxxing, grooming, harassing others who disagree with her and Club, hacking accounts, defending Club’s grooming, and you know it." And no, you using her correct pronouns doesn't take you off the hook.

I absolutely just fucking love how they didn't even try to justify themselves in that one, and just resorted to threats but used two other people for the threats so they can pathetically escape looking like the bad guy. Honey please if you're gonna go down that route, at least grow some balls and spew threats of what YOU'LL do, instead of constantly throwing people under the bus as you cower in fear of the consequences of your actions. Grow up for the love of God.

And it's also funny how you tell me to learn to read when I told you to do the same thing when you ignored my proof and continued saying I wanted to date a FULL GROWN MAN.

Anyways sorry for this long one Tri, but it was necessary.

That’s alright. Basically what I said in the reply here. As I mention often, one can tell things are getting cliquey by people betraying what they say. You’re right, it’s not like Tam or Club are breaking any rules, that and Tam can identify how he wants. There is no such thing as a fake identity no matter how it alternates.

[babyflash]

What are your feels about Birdflash? Are they cute? Is it angst, hurt/comfort, pure fluff? How do you feel?

BIRDFLASH!!!!!!! MY FUCKING ONE AND ONLIES

when i tell you that they are the first couple i ever shipped i fucking mean it. they to me are like. The Couple. they are childhood best friends to lovers... high school sweet hearts..... soulmates in every way.

i think my feelings on them are best articulated by the lover by taylor swift bridge. more thoughts below i just don't want this to be a behemoth of a post!

"ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? with every guitar string scar on my hand i take this magnetic force of a man to be my (lover) my heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue all's well that ends well to end up with you swear to be over dramatic and true to my (lover) and you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me and at every table i'll save you a seat (lover)"

like really this whole song is them but. i feel like they're not an on-again off-again couple, but they do break up once or twice and realize that they belong together. i feel like they're the "love shouldn't be hard work, but it is effort" they're "i'll take care of you / it's rotten work / not to me, not if it's you" they're "if you're going, i'm going" "if you're looking for trouble, count me" "whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same" "i will love you if i never see you again, and i will love you if i see you every tuesday"

and my whole thing is that they both have a lot of love to give. both of them love so deeply and truly, they care so much and that is something that can be a person's undoing or be their saving grace. so the fallouts they have that lead to the couple of break ups are caused by a lack of communication or a misplaced word, the fact that they know everything about each other can be a weapon and that's terrifying so maybe one of them runs away because they're scared of something good. and it takes effort to put their thing back together, but they do. because it's something good and they want it to work. you know? like i look at them and i see my parents, 25 years strong and in love and a well-oiled machine. i think of strong and resilient people who love each other and wake up everyday excited to see each other. i look at them and i see people who find comfort in the mere presence of the other, people who sink into early morning coffee and kissing goodbye before work and making dinner together and friday nights in.

i also see a love that started young and volatile, something uncertain and new and exciting and a little dangerous. i see a love that fell apart because it was too deep too fast, they were too infatuated to take it slow. to look at their lives and their jobs and to decide that they needed each other more than they needed passion and romance. something that fell apart because of maturity. and this love, this thing of theirs, stayed gone for years. maybe two or three, it stayed gone for a while. until one day, one day they meet again and have matured and come into their own. they aren't angry anymore. they aren't scared anymore. they matured and with them, so did their love. it grew into this old and beautiful thing, something quiet and comforting rather than loud and desperate.

they meet again after a couple years and take it slow, like they wish they had all those years ago. they talk more and openly. they know now that it's not the romance itself they need but each other. the support, the comfort, the love, and the silly things. the way wally makes fresh homemade cookies and dick eats them all when he gets back from patrol. the way dick goes grocery shopping because wally doesn't have the patience for it, so he makes sure to get exactly what wally needs down to the brand. the way they split up the chores on sundays and the way that wally's dog (who he had before he got back together with dick) expects dick to feed him and take him out before bed. they slowdance on the patio to frankie valli and frank sinatra and the temptations. they talk through movies and have incomprehensible conversations through facial expressions and inside jokes. they know each other's coffee orders and take out orders for every cafe and restaurant in gotham and central. they wash each other's hair and take turns holding each other. they have days apart where they don't feel the need to check in on each other, days where they spend the day with family and friends and never once worry. (but they do worry when they watch the news, when a comm goes off, when someone has to leave for an emergency)

idk if any of this makes any sense at all but like. puppy love, infatuation, desperation to a (actually pretty clean) break up that leads to personal maturity and development and then a reunion where it's a softer and sweeter, but much more sure love then it was before.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Decisions

Summary: You find your boyfriend cheating with one of your friends after getting home from work and call the person you always call when shit hits the fan.

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!Reader

Wordcount: 2.9k

Warnings: infidelity, angst, best friends to lovers (maybe?)

Masterlist

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The rational part of your brain knew that nothing good would come out of opening that door. You had ears and eyes. You heard the moans and saw the clothes discarded on the floor. Like they invited you to follow the path.

The irrational part needed proof to connect the very clear thing that was happening right behind that door. The door to your bedroom. Of the apartment that you had shared with your boyfriend for the last year.

It was silly really--you finished work early, picked up his favorite take out, and you had wanted to spend the evening watching reruns of some shitty sitcom.

Closing your eyes you tried to wake up from the nightmare you were starring in before you pushed the door open.

You thought you were somewhat prepared for the picture behind the door. Finding one of our closest friends riding your boyfriend’s dick wasn’t anything you could prepare for. They didn’t even notice you until you let your purse fall to the ground.

Excuses trembled from their lips immediately.

“I’m gonna make a call,” you said, daring yourself not to choke. “And I want you out of this place in the next three minutes.”

You knew as soon as you made this call that you had less than 10 minutes until he would show up and probably strangle both of the people in your bedroom. And you would probably let him.

He picked up after the first ring.

“I’m really busy.”

“Javi…” you finally sobbed.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m… Fuck. Sorry. I don’t want to keep you if you’re busy.”

“I’ll be over in 10,” and the line goes dead.

It was your coping mechanism. Calling Javier when shit hits the fan. Because he was the only person who understood the way you were. Because he lived with you through it. He and your brother had been best friends growing up. You were always the little annoying sister until you hit your teens. From that moment on you, your brother and Javier were inseparable.

He was the one who showed up at your parent’s house in the middle of the night with the news that would change your life forever.

At only 25, your brother had been killed. He wasn’t even supposed to be there but volunteered. Javi and him had both joined the police after school. It had been their dream.

But something changed after your brother died. Javier joined the DEA in the hope to bring some kind of justice. Because your brother had been shot during a drug raid.

Javier took over the role of your big brother without any complications. He was the one who bought you your first drink. He was the one who helped you move into your own apartment. He was the one person you knew to call when you just needed someone to talk to.

“Babe please… Just let me explain,” the man you loved stopped in front of you, now fully dressed. You looked up, fairly proud of yourself that you hadn’t started crying yet. But the longer you looked at him, the angrier you got. And your body’s coping mechanism was to cry when you’re angry.

“Then explain. Explain why I found you, balls deep inside of one of my best friends in the bed we had sex in this morning,” you looked him in the eyes.

“You weren’t even supposed to be home…”

“Oh. So it’s my fault. Okay I get it,” You shook your head, rolling your eyes.

“No… Fuck. I love you,” he went down on his knees in front of you.

“You have a funny way of showing that,” you whispered. You looked to your right, seeing your friend sneak out of the apartment, not even looking at you.

“I’ll have your stuff packed this weekend, you can pick it up on Monday. Keys?” you held your hand out.

“You can’t do that,” he said, breathing deeply through his nose.

“I already did. Keys?”

“I think you heard her, Keys,” you looked to your left where Javi was standing in the doorway. You hadn’t even heard him come in. He had crossed his arms, his eyebrow raised. You looked away from him when a key was placed in your hand.

“Where am I supposed to go?” he asked.

“You should have thought about that before you fucked someone else in our bed,” you said. He shook his head, cursing to himself before he finally got up and walked out. You sucked your bottom lip in, closing your eyes. You only looked up when you heard the front door close and finally, you let the tears escape. Javier sat down next to you, his arms around you immediately.

“I got you, honey,” he mumbled into your hair, letting you cry into his shirt.

You didn’t know when you fell asleep. Blinking your eyes open you were met with darkness, a blanket over your body to keep you warm. Javier was nowhere to be found but you heard some noise from the back. Sighing quietly you shuffled the blanket off and walked towards the noise. Javier was standing in your bedroom, changing the sheets. And you felt like crying again only from the sweet gesture.

“You don’t have to do that. I was thinking about burning the whole thing down,” you said. Javi looked at you while he continued to change the bedding.

“Bed’s are fucking expensive.”

“Don’t care,” you grumbled.

“You know I could arrest him. I’m sure I’ll find something.”

“That’s very nice of you, but no. Shouldn’t you be home with your fiancè?”

Javi sighed. You hadn’t seen him in a couple of weeks. His wedding was in three weeks. You already had your dress. You groaned thinking about how you would now have to attend alone.

“Everything okay?” You asked, helping him with the blanket.

“Yeah. Yeah,” he shrugged.

“You’re a terrible liar, Peña,” you teased.

“I’m just tired,” he lied again.

“Okay. You don’t want to talk about it. But then at least get some sleep,” you pleaded. The bedding was changed and you let yourself fall into the covers. Javi looked down at you.

“Come on. Get those pants off and sleep.”

“If that’s you flirting…” he smirked.

“Ugh gross,” you shivered, throwing a pillow. He laughed, switching the lights off and you felt the bed dip beside you.

“Love you,” you mumbled, already half asleep as you reached for his hand. You didn’t see the way he looked at you as he heard these words from your lips.

Sooner than you thought it was the week before Javi’s wedding. And as assigned best (wo)man you made it your goal to take Javi out for one last night as a bachelor.

You couldn’t picture Javier married. You knew him for the most part of your life, so you knew he wasn’t really looking for commitment. You never really had seen him in love. At least you didn’t think so. Javier was a very private person. Though he assured you that he very much wanted to get married. He was the one who asked her after all. You didn’t have much of a relationship with Lorraine. Sometimes you felt like she was jealous of the way you and Javi could just read each other. In the beginning, you made an effort to become friends with her, but you never really got warm with each other. But she made Javi happy, so you were happy for him.

“Peña, get your ass out of there, we’re not going to a beauty contest.”

You took one last look into the mirror. Lorraine wasn’t home anymore, she was spending the last week before the wedding at her parent’s house. You decided that while this night was about Javi, it would be nice to flirt a little. You were still heartbroken about the way everything ended with your ex. You needed a distraction.

“Wow, you look…” Javi said and you turned around with a smile on your lips.

“You like? Gotta up my game when I’m with you,” you winked. You were wearing a dark blue mini skirt, some heels and a white top.

“You look nice,” he said, grabbing his pack of cigarettes, putting it in the pocket of his leather jacket. He was wearing his signature look, tight blue jeans and a black dress shirt, tucked into his jeans. Of course his shirt was unbuttoned and you could see him wearing the golden chain you had gifted him for his thirtieth birthday last year. Smiling softly, you looked up at him.

“Ready to get drunk, Peña?” you asked, holding out your hand.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” he chuckled, taking your hand and led you out of the apartment.

“I applied for a job,” Javi announced. You were both sitting in your favorite bar, a couple of drinks in.

“But you have a job,” you said thinking.

“Yeah I know. I just… fuck. I don’t know,” his fingers rubbed over his eyes. He had taken his jacket off at some point.

“What is it?”

“Drug enforcement in Bogotà.”

“Like… Colombia?” you asked, your voice a little louder than intended. Fuck, these drinks were getting to you.

“Yeah. And I got it.”

“You gonna leave?” you asked, not knowing how to process this information.

“Yeah... No… Fuck I really don’t know.”

“What did Lorraine say?”

“She doesn’t know about it. You’re the first person I told.”

You sighed, bringing your drink to your lips and emptying it completely.

“What exactly are you planning on doing?” you asked looking at him. Really looking at him. He looked more tired than usual. There were little lines forming around his eyes. He was getting older.

“I don’t know if I love Lorraine enough,” he admitted. You closed your eyes, nodding.

“Come on,” you held your hand out for him. “Let’s talk somewhere quieter.”

The walk back to your apartment was spent quiet. Javier was about to light his second cigarette when you decided to speak up.

“So Columbia huh?” you asked. He sighed, putting the cigarette away. He looked at you from his side.

“Yeah.”

“And you didn’t tell Lorraine.”

He nodded.

“Javier, what are you doing?” you stopped walking.

“I.. Fuck I don’t know.”

“You gonna go to Columbia?” you crossed your arms in front of you, looking up at your friend. He looked tired, maybe even sad. You couldn’t name it.

“Yeah, I want to,” he said after a while, his hands in his pockets.

“You gonna marry Lorraine without telling her?”

“I don’t know if I want to marry her,” there it was, out in the open. The words you knew had been on his mind for a while now. Javier might think he’s a good liar, but you knew him better. You knew that about two months ago he was already trying to get out of the engagement. But he felt like he couldn’t. Because Lorraine had told him that she was pregnant.

“You know that she’s not pregnant, right?” you stepped closer towards him.

“Yeah.”

“Then you should do what makes you happy.”

“I don’t know if going to Colombia will make me happy.”

“Will staying here and marrying a woman you don’t love make you happy, Javier?”

He sighed, shaking his head.

“Javier you’re a grown man, you can do what you want,” you squeezed his arm. You found yourself in his arms in the next moment and you smiled against his shoulder, as he kissed the top of your head.

“What if I’m scared to do what I want?”

“It’s always scary to follow your heart. But if you’ll never try, you will never know what could have been.”

“When did you become so wise?” he asked and you chuckled.

“Get your heart broken over and over again will do that to you.”

The next days were a whirlwind. Javier broke off his engagement with Lorraine and accepted the job in Bogota. He would be leaving in 4 days.

You on the other end had actually looked into going to Bogota too. Nothing was holding you here. Javier really was your only friend and after the shitshow that happened with your ex you had been looking into changing something in your life anyways. Why not move countries?

Call it desperate, but you weren’t looking forward to not being able to see Javier whenever you wanted. For the last 15 years, he had just been a call away. Something told you that working for the DEA to bring down Escobar would change the man you knew. The least you could do was be there for him.

“I’m coming with you,” you announced the night before he would leave. You were helping him pack his stuff.

“What do you mean?” he looked at you.

“I mean, that I am coming with you to live in Bogotà. You’re not the only one with contacts you know?”

“Are you insane?” he asked and you frowned.

“Not more than usual. Look,” you walked over to him. “I was looking into finding something new anyways. You don’t even have to see me if you don’t want to. But I would feel better if I knew that you are not alone down there,” you smiled softly at him. He looked absolutely devastated, yet you could see tears pooling in his eyes.

“It’s not safe for you there. Escobar…”

“Javier. I’m a big girl, I can handle myself. And I’m going to be working at the embassy and most likely live in one of their secure buildings, I’m gonna be fine.”

“You better be, I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t. I’ll be there to annoy you whenever you want to until the end of time,” you winked and he let out a chuckle before his face got serious.

“I love you,” he said quietly. You smiled.

“I love you too,” you said and he shook his head.

“No. You don’t understand. I am in love with you. I keep thinking about you all the fucking time.”

“Javier…” you said quietly.

“And I know that’s fucked up. You’ve been like a sister to me. But I just can’t stop thinking about you. I wanna make you smile. I wanna hold you, Fuck I wanna…”

“Javier,” you said louder, his eyes finally on yours. He stopped talking and just looked at you, his eyes so warm it took your breath away. He loved you?

“I… I need to think about this. You gotta give me time to process this,” you said, feeling overwhelmed by his confession.

“Of... Of course,” he said, looking away from you. You saw the way his shoulders fell as he turned around to continue packing.

“I’ll see you tomorrow at the airport yeah?” you said. You only saw him nod before you grabbed your purse and walked out of his apartment.

You didn’t know what to do with his confession. Did you love Javier more than a brother? Maybe you were having a crush on him a long time ago but that must have been at least 10 years ago. He was just… Javier. The one you called when you needed to talk. The one who always had an open ear for you. You thought about him too. Yet sometimes you wondered about how it would be if he got married. Was the reason you never really got warm with Lorraine because you were… jealous?

You spend the whole night wondering about your feelings towards Javier until you fell into a restless sleep.

The next morning came and you were looking at your packed suitcases next to your door. No matter your feelings towards Javier you were going to Colombia. Your transfer was already approved, your apartment terminated. You just had to make a decision as to what your feelings towards Javier were. Deep down you knew what your feelings were. You were just too scared to admit them to yourself. Acknowledging your feelings would raise the possibility of ruining the friendship between you two.

You sighed when your doorbell rang, the taxi for the airport waiting downstairs. Time to go.

Javier didn’t know you would be flying out with him. You hadn’t told him. You saw him outside of the airport with his father. You breathed in deep as you got out of the cab, paying the driver as he got your suitcases out and walked over, putting your hand on his shoulder. He turned his head, turning his body towards you when he saw that it was you. You didn’t say anything, just gestured to the back so you could talk to him in private.

“Hey,” you said as you were out of earshot from his father.

“Hey,” he replied.

“So about what you told me yesterday. I don’t know if I love you like that. I do love you Javier, but maybe give me some time to figure out my feelings? I don’t want to lose you as a friend. Ever.”

“You don’t know or you’re scared?” He got you there.

“I’m scared,” you admitted. He took your hand in his.

“Nothing is gonna ruin our friendship, I promise. But I’ll give you all the time in the world.”

He looked so genuine, his eyes so soft and warm and full of love.

“Okay,” you squeezed his hand.

“Okay,” he smiled and you let him lead you into the airport, your hand in his.

[utascumdump]

Tender Loving|G. Ichinose X Reader

NSFW|18+ Content Ahead

Hopefully this one is a bit better than my last with little to no errors.

As you can tell by the title this is a Guren fic that basically is a “continuation” of my brainrot.

Cw: Smut 18+, Stepcest, Petnames, Soft Sex (Very vanilla), Marking, Praise, Unprotected sex (Don’t be silly, Wrap your willy), Mentions of babies. Let me know if I missed any.

Minors please don’t interact with this post. It’s simple rules that is easy to follow.

Word Count: 1.05k

Your relationship with your step-brother Guren was very strange in other people’s eyes. But to you and Guren it was just a simple love that any outsiders just don’t understand. You both live in a house together in a fairly quiet neighborhood. 

After you both had graduated college your parents brought up the idea to you both moving out. Unbeknownst to them, you and Guren were planning to get a house together to love each other freely. Now living together for about a time span of 5 months has been the best time spent with each other.

Guren only realized that his love for you have become stronger than it used to be. He started to feel rather possessive over you. That include glaring at anybody that dares to look at you a certain way. He wants you all to himself and he doesn’t plan to share. After all your his Princess and he would do anything for you.

----------------------------------------------------------------

You arose from your slumber to the sunrays hitting your eyes through the cracks of the blinds. Sitting up rubbing the sleep out of your eyes you winced at the raging headache, results of the amount of drinks from the night before. You looked to your left seeing Guren sleeping soundlessly. Carefully studying his calm face as he slept, you can’t help but to think that he looks adorable. 

Too lost in staring at his facial features you failed to notice him waking up. “Staring is a bit rude princess.” He groggingly said in his morning voice. He didn’t failed to notice how you unconciously rubbed your thighs together. He smirked softly at the effect he had on you. 

Getiing up you both went to the bathroom getting ready for the day including taking pain medicine for the hangover. Walking into the kitchen, you sat at a barstool on the island. Guren walks out of the bedroom and comes walking into the kitchen. “How about you make breakfast this time babygirl?” He asked kissing you on the crown of your head.

“Okay babe you can go sit at the table.” You said smiling softly from the affection, you went to make breakfast for the both of you. For breakfast you decided for something simple like pancakes and cut up fruits. After preparing the food you fixed the food and took both plates to the table. Times like this is what he really loves about the relationship. Sitting in a comfortable silence while enjoying the food is one thing he feels that bring you closer together.

Now finishing breakfast you got up and tended to the dishes while he went to sit on the couch in the living room turning on the tv. You lighly hum a tune to yourself while cleaning up the kitchen. After you were done, you walked into the living room and cuddling up in Guren’s side. He wraps an arm around your waist and you both watch tv. He slowly starts to rub your thighs, squeezing it here and there. Getting bored watching tv he decided that he wanted to do something else, and that something was you.

He grabs your wrist and tugs you gently to sit on his lap and grips your thighs. “I want to make you feel good princess and I’ll be sure to keep my promise.” Guren tells you and nips at your neck. You were confused for a moment as to where that came from but immediately got lost in the pleasure. Sucking on different parts of your neck, he left a trail of dark and noticeable hickies. Tilting your head to the side so he can have more access, you started moving your hips slowly grinding on his print.

He immediately sucks in a sharp breath and reaches down your shorts rubbing at your clit to get you wet. You lean down and suck on his neck leaving dark and noticeable markings all while moaning softly. Wanting to be deep in your tight cunt he pulled down your shorts and his sweats. Rubbing his tip against your folds coating his tip in your arousal. Slowly he impales you on his cock ich by inch to make you feel every vein. As your ass comes in contact with his thighs you slowly start to grind on him savoring the feeling of him being buried deep inside you.

With a grip on your hips, he changes your movements so you can softly bounce on him. Each time you feel his tip hitting that one spot that makes you see stars. “Fuck princess you feel so good. Good job, your making daddy feel so good.” He moans out and kneeds at the soft plush of your ass. Your face flushes read and you whine from the praise you received. Putting your head on his shoulder you grind on his cock in way that has your clit rubbing against his neatly trimmed pubic hair. 

“Daddy I’m gonna cum. Please let me cum on your cum daddy.” You breathlessly begged as you gripped his shoulders. He lifts up your head and softly kisses you while you grind down on him. He loved when you begged. He just thinks it makes you more adorable. “Of course you can cum babygirl you did so well for daddy - f-fuck.” He groaned at the way you tightend around his cock feeling himself come closer to his release. “Yesyesyes.” You mindlessly babbled feeling yourself cumming on his length.

He continued to thrust up into you feeling himself coming closer. Leaning in to kiss you. “M’gonna fill you up with my cum. Won’t you like the princess. F-fuck make you have my babies.” He moans into the kiss and you agree whining at the thought of bearing his children. His hips stilled and he came deeply inside you with his head thrown back and his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.

Guren lays down with you following with your face in the crook of his neck. He keeps himself buried within your warm cunt to make sure that you get pregnant. He hears your soft snore and looks down with a small genuine smile. “All Mine.” Is the only thought that runs through his head. Kissing your head softly his puts a blanket over you both and soon falls asleep with you.

@noritoshiikamo​ @fiaficsxo |Here is what you requested love. I decided to type as the next day after the party. Enjoy it. Cherish it. Love it. Because I personally think this is my best one since I started writing.|

Edit: I’m so sorry. I just realized I had grammatical errors. I wrote this when I had a raging headache and it was going on late early mornings. Please just don’t mind them.

[spookysmujer]

All the Stars, O. Diaz

Summary: After having a stressful week dealing with the Santos, you try to make Oscar feel relaxed enough to get him to open up.

word count: 1.3K

warnings: cute s h e t, fluff, vulnerability

a/n: Hello babes, I am putting in some weRk over these next few days! Also who has been super excited after hearing it’s official: ON MY BLOCK SEASON 4 IS HAPPENING. Our papichulo returns! Don’t worry, angst coming up next, some smut and the whole spiel, hehe. As always please: follow the blog, heart/comment/reblog my work and turn on notifications for when I post new content! 

requested by @justatiredfool

(gif belongs to unknown 🥺)

You were told you were silly to move in with Oscar during senior year of high school. That you had to be knocked up. Even though your parents gave you the OK, they always made it their mission to remind you that there are more important things in life than having a boyfriend. But no one understood just how deeply you connected with him. And to those who claimed it wouldn’t last, here you are 5 years later.

And with living at the Santo trap house came with its occasional inconveniences. Such as Oscar having the stress of ‘work’ follow him home all the time. And mostly, there was no problem in solving them. He did his best to separate business and pleasure. But there were days where he couldn’t and it would take a toll on your relationship. Days like today, so you want to help him relax and relinquish any stress.

When he gets home, he stops in the kitchen to press a kiss to the top of your head. He goes to the bedroom and strips down to his white tank and basketball shorts. You take the liberty to get him a beer, he thanks you with a touch when you hand it to him, “Long day?”

He hums in response as you run your hand over his head, he loves the feeling of you touching him. Touch for him is his love language rather than speaking. Which no doubt was hard for you in the beginning considering that for you, you were heavy in verbal communication. You need lots of reassurance and it was a big adjustment to learn that he likes to reassure you in a different way. 

After mindlessly thinking, you reach over and take the remote to turn off the tv. He scrunches his eyebrows together and looks at you, “Com’n, let’s go.”

“Go where? I just got home, com’n.” You gather your purse and go stand by the doorway, looking back at Oscar who is still laying back on the bed. He looks at you, trying to tell you I ain’t going nowhere with his eyes. But your eyes tend to be more deadly than his. He groans before getting up and grabbing his wallet, “You don’t need it, let’s go tortuga.” 

He pinches your behind as he approaches you, you squeal a little as you get away. Though he didn’t want to, Oscar knows there are days where you don’t see him much except for when he climbs into bed next to you. So instead of complaining, he just follows in pursuit. 

You snatch the keys from his hand and jump into the driver’s seat. He won’t admit it but he loves to see you drive his car, it wasn’t always that way but to see you leant back, wind in your hair and head bopping to music, it’s a sight for sore eyes. Oscar keeps quiet as co-pilot and lets you take him to wherever you have planned.

Oscar doesn’t think anything when you pull up at a taco truck, you tell him to wait in the car that you phone ordered food for the two of you. When you get back to the car, he half expects for the two of you to eat in the car. However, you place the bag of food in the back seat and take off again. You drive for a bit more, taking a turn pass the sign that says “Hollywood Sign Ahead”. Most tourists have a designated area to part and hike near it. You know a way to drive up to it. Call it your rebel memory of high school. “Where are you taking me, hm?”

You look over at Oscar and smile, continuing the drive in silence. Oscar quirks his eyebrows when pulled up near a cliffside. He looks to you then tries to look over the ledge, “Com’n.” And when you walk over to his side to pull him closer to the edge, he feels a certain weight leave his shoulders. The sight is literally breathtaking. Los Angeles in a whole view makes everything that has been happening seem so miniscule. He lefts out a breath, closing his eyes for a moment. 

“That’s why I brought you here. That release of breath you just let out that you have been holding in for God knows how long. Up here it’s different from the beach, down there you can release it but still gotta be cautious. Here, there is literally no one to see you be… you.” He keeps looking at the bustling city below. A small smile forms on his lips before looking at you. His hand cups your cheek, thumb gently gliding across the warm skin. You melt into his touch and smile.

So you both get comfy of the hood of his car and get to grubbing on the tacos. It’s nothing but silence as you eat first. You want Oscar to feel comfortable in this safe space. You have learned that the best way some people release all the pent up frustration is in silence while in the presence of others. It seemed out to you when you learnt this but sometimes it’s just another's presence that can be a tremendous help.

He finishes first and you offer your other taco, he denies it and chugs the rest of his drink. “Cuchillos put me second in command. Lots of new territories to cover. More business to handle and it’s been a fucking rough trip so far. Turning against long time allies. Taking fathers from little ones. I knew what I was getting when taking on the job but…” He shrugs, clearing his throat. 

You watch him closely and quietly sighed. Not pushing him to talk more, you wait it out patiently. “I just need to know you can stick it out with me during times like this.” He says and you stop chewing your food, taken back a bit.

Oscar finally looks at you and you swallow. You set your food down to slide off the hood to stand in front of him. He watches as you step between his legs, he looks at your lips as you rest your hand on his thighs. “Remember when we had that pregnancy scare half way into senior year? Or when Cesar ran off from us at the fair? We didn’t know what to expect to have next then, just like you don’t know right now. But we always did something that no matter the outcome we knew we’d be okay, we always stuck together and did our best. I am here. I am not going anywhere, I won’t run when the going gets rough. When every single day life tries to throw us a curveball, I’m gonna be right next to you. I promise you that.”

Those special moments in life that automatically engrain themselves into your brain, the times where it becomes such a significant moment that you can later anchor yourself to. And right now is one of those moments. Oscar knew from the get go that you would remain a faithful companion in his life the moment you took a leap and moved in with him. Unknown where the future could lead the two of you. Here you are in the moment that you never saw coming all those years ago.

“Thank you.” He grabs your hand and presses a kiss on the back of it. You blush as he pulls your arm around him to get a hug. Oscar inhales your scent which has always consisted of vanilla and brown sugar. The feeling of your embrace keeps him at bay with the uncontrolled thoughts. The two of you share a few kisses, “Despite all this shit, it’s not a bad thought you know.” He tells you and you look at him quizzically. 

He chuckles, “A baby, you pregnant. Doesn’t sound bad at all.”

The warmth in your cheeks makes you look away shyly. But the condensation that spread across the windows later showed no signs of shyness. 

taglist: @clemmingstylins0n @fairygardenss @princesstiffxoxo @firebenderwolf @mbaku-babygirl @chellybear98 @multiyfandomgirl40 @i-just-wanna-live-gc @roury66 @lillict @tinylumpiaa @prettymya3 @starrynite7114 @spookysbabymama @aneitii @b3mybunnybaby @angelxfics @kkim120 @ladylj @vayagrxce @irenne-stans @boujee-bitches @blessedboo​ @lidumiw​ @morenokatt​ @gltrpzy​ (please let me know if you would like to be removed or added to the taglist!)

[missskzbiased]

I Hate That I’m Afraid to Love You (17)

Genre: Romance, Friendship, Angst, Hurt /Confort , Suggestive, Fluff, College Au, Enemies to Friends to Lovers Au, REALLY Slow burn, Love Square (?)

Pairing: Hyunjin X Fem!Reader  X Han X OC

WC: ~ 7,5,K

[Previous] [Chap] [Next]

Masterlist

Warnings (general*): Language, Mentions of (Physical abuse, Death/ Loss of Loved One, Child Abandonment/Neglect, Divorce, Toxic Parents, Cancer, Mental disorder, Anxiety Attack, Alcohol, Food), Suggestiveness

Notes: It’s Hyunjin’s Pov. I got to finish chapter 18 today. Probably gonna try to write some of 19 later. I’m posting earlier just because I’m really tired and I’m afraid I might be too sleepy later LOL

Updates: Tuesdays

                                                          ////

  HYUNJIN’S POV

  You were being ridiculous.

  You crossed your legs, sighing as you stared at both cups in your hands in wonder. Why would you be sitting on a bench on a Monday morning with two cups of coffee ─ well, actually one cup of black coffee and one of iced Americano ─ if not to wait for someone? It was so painfully obvious that for a second you thought about throwing them away in the trash and acting as if you weren’t a… You didn’t even know how you should be calling yourself now.

  You scowled, getting up from the bench and heading to the closest trash bin, settled in assuming your usual fuckboy façade to try to approach Y/N. Why would you act differently now? It wasn’t like you loved her or something… Maybe you were a little bit infatuated by the fact that she could listen and understand you better than anyone else –

  See? That kind of awfully awful thought… You should be ashamed.

  You kinda were.

  “Hey” Yeah… Of course, she would see and talk to you at the exact same moment you were about to throw coffee away for absolutely no reason. You exhaled slowly, closing your eyes to recompose yourself before turning around with a smug smile.

  “Hey” You offered back in a husky tone.

  “Did you scratch your throat or something?” She asked in confusion, frowning as she stared at your neck “You sound… I don’t know… Kinda different?” She said unsurely, hands trailing to her own throat and massaging it mindlessly.

  Great… Exactly the reaction you wanted.

  “Oh, no!” You cleared your throat, massaging it as well “I bought these drinks and I drank yours by mistake” You explained, handing her the cup. She narrowed her eyes at you, studying you closely before reaching for it.

  “Thanks…” She said warily “What’s the occasion?” She asked, tilting her head, eyes wandering around your face before she sipped the coffee, humming in appreciation “This is really good!” She raised her brows in surprise, shifting her gaze to the cup.

  “Well, I stopped by a café to buy some for me on my way here, and… Well, I remembered you have an exam today, right?” You smiled at her, knowing far too well that what you just said was bullshit “I thought you could use some real coffee today” You shrugged.

  “I don’t have an exam today…” She frowned, holding the cup with both hands as she thought about it.

    You fought back a smile, watching as she scrunched her nose and tried to figure out what was going on; lips slightly projected forward in something close to a pout but not quite. The way she held the cup with both hands made her look smaller than usual, and for some reason, you found it incredibly endearing. There was something soft spreading in your chest, some kind of warmth that made you want to wrap her in your arms and squeeze her but you ignored it.

    Y/N wasn’t the cute little type… She would hit you for sure if you tried to do anything similar to this. You were yet to understand how she didn’t just kill you after the fake kiss at the stairs… You were lucky as fuck. She raised her eyes to you in question, making you gulp down. You had those eyes so close to yours… That nose brushing against yours… Those lips…

    “You don’t? I must have heard it wrong then” You lied, sipping your drink mindlessly. Or at least, you hoped she thought all of it was natural and unplanned “Well, you like coffee anyway…” You shrugged, glancing at her as you walked together towards the stairs “Consider it a friendship treat” She hummed, nodding in mock acknowledgment.

    “Why does it sound like a poor excuse to buy me something?” She laughed, nudging your side “It’s awesome to have two rich friends to pay for my stuff” She joked, taking another gulp of her coffee “I guess this one is pretty good because it doesn’t even feel like grumpy o’clock anymore” You laughed at this, smirking at her.

    “Maybe it’s not the coffee but my company” You said suggestively, wiggling your brows at her, making her chuckle, “Or it could be the sugar” You said playfully, grinning when she took the bait.

    “Not really, those from the stands are usually really sweet… This one is actually way more bitter than I’m used to” She admitted “But it’s g—“ You didn’t even let her finish.

    “Oh? So you’re saying you prefer sweet things?” You could tell she knew you were about to make some silly input just by the way she arched her brow in expectation “If you want some more sugar, I can be your Sugar Daddy, you know?” You joked, fighting back your laughter as she grimaced at you, huffing.

  “Really?” She couldn’t help but chuckle “That must have been the worst pick up line you have said in your whole life” She pointed out, grimace dissolving into a playful expression “You’re too young to be my sugar daddy, though” She reminded you, shaking her head in amusement.

  “I can be your honey, then” You chortled when she choked on her coffee, pushing your shoulder lightly as she looked at you astonished.

  “Oh my God… You’re a compulsive flirter, what the hell!” She whined, wiping her mouth “How can you come and show your face when you’re like this?!” She asked dumbfounded, shaking her head in disbelief.

  “Did you look at my face? There is nothing to be ashamed of here” You joked, and she grimaced again in mocking disgust “Come on! You love me just like this” You said in a singsong “You said so yourself” You reminded her, making her snort.

  “I do love you just like this” She agreed, offering you a small smile that made your heart flutter for a second “The amount of self-esteem oozing out of your ass is going to be my thesis’ theme, so I have to love it” You rolled your eyes when her small smile dissolved into a mocking one “I may even get a prize… I don’t think someone ever saw something as big as this” She joked, making you snort.

  You opened your mouth to retort her but she beat you to it.

  “Please… No comments about your dick and your hook-ups” She pleaded, furrowing her brows at you in disgust.

  “Hey, I wasn’t going to say something like this!” You protested, even though it did cross your mind “I was going to smoothly change the subject to the book I couldn’t finish reading because I had to save Han’s ass that day” You threw her your best condescending smile, getting a knowing mumble as an answer.

    “ I see… So you want the juicy gossip” She mocked, making you roll your eyes “I have the book back if that’s what you want… But the coffee and that not so smooth change of the subject make me think that you want to know more” She smirked.

  “Not really” You shrugged, though you really wanted to know, “I just want the book back so I can finally finish it” You lied, and she nodded, clearly not buying your words “I mean it” You tried to emphasize your fake intentions but she just rolled her eyes.

  “What do you wanna know?” She asked bluntly, stopping to rummage through her bag before handing you the book “We’re okay now… He needs more time and I’m okay with it” She summarized, zipping her bag close “Everything is fine and I’m late for my classes” She chuckled, hoisting the bag over her shoulder.

    “So… He talked to you like an actual human being?” You sneered, and she threw you a look before sighing.

    “Yes… He made a good point, to be honest” She giggled, remembering something from their conversation “He was afraid to talk to me about needing more time because he knew I’d go and try to convince him otherwise” She seemed to find it funny “Anyway… He has a lot to deal with right now, and I can wait for him to act normal again” She shrugged.

    “I see…” You pursed your lips, patting the book’s cover distractedly “And what about Paris? She told me she kinda confessed to him…” You cleared your throat, trying to change the subject again.

    She narrowed her eyes at you, suspicious of your question.

                                                            ////

    The book was good but that wasn’t the only reason for you to be here.

    You looked around the library, trying to find an inner excuse to be here apart from returning the book to Y/N, but finding nothing interesting enough. You leaned on the counter, waiting for her to show up as you mindlessly flipped through the pages, clearing your throat to see if you could catch her attention on the back. As much as you felt ridiculous doing things like this, there you were acting like a needy crushing boy…

    What goes around comes around.

    Would you even imagine that one day you would be trying to catch someone’s attention instead of simply having it on your own terms? No. You wouldn’t. You could just return the book to her tomorrow ─ when you would see her in class anyway ─ but you choose to come to the library on a Thursday afternoon just to do it… Someone should be stopping you from being… A Han or something.

    Ugh.

    “Oh!” She blurted when she came back to the counter, looking at you with curious eyes “What are you doing here?” She asked interested, suddenly frowning and seeming to think deeply “Shouldn’t you wait like… I don’t know some weeks to break up yet?” She seemed genuinely confused by your presence, and you found it too amusing.

  “Can’t I come here to visit a friend?” You teased, arching your brow as you failed to fight back your smile.

  “I mean- Well, yeah…” She floundered, clearing her throat “It’s kinda unexpected” She admitted, chuckling “Not even Chan comes to visit me in here and he actually likes to read” She joked, and you leaned on her way, resting your chin on your palm as you smirked at her.

  “Well, maybe you should pick me instead” You suggested, looking into her eyes with your best alluring look but the girl seemed to be built to ignore all your charms.

  “You wish” She snorted “At least, Chan doesn’t jokingly flirt with me all the time!” She rolled her eyes, bumping your nose playfully before organizing some books on a desk behind her.

  “Neither do I” You said sincerely but she laughed dismissively.

  Well, you weren’t jokingly flirting with her… She was just too dense.

  “Anyway!” You shrugged off, placing the book on the counter with a thud “I’m here to give it back to you” You smiled at her as she glanced over her shoulders “I’ve finished it and I hate to admit it but you were right… It’s really good” And you weren’t just saying it.

  “Oh? Better than your drama?” She taunted, grinning mischievously.

  “You’re getting ahead of yourself” You grimaced at her, making her giggle “But I was wondering… Do you have any more indications? I may have liked it enough to read some more…” You muttered, and she smiled knowingly at you.

  “I always have some good indications!” She chirped “I knew you would like it! We have a section here that is filled with books that might be of your liking… Do you want to check them out?” She asked excitedly, and you had to fight back the urge to coo at her.

  She was too cute for her own good.

  “Well… Why not?” You shrugged as if you weren’t interested at all “I can help you out with those” You gestured to the books pile behind her “And then you can show me this section… Maybe I’ll find something I like” She smiled at you, picking up the books and placing them on the counter for you to have access to them.

  “Sounds great!” She said, studying you from head to toes “And kinda suspicious too…” She narrowed her eyes, a grin plastering on her face “First you buy me coffee and then you help me out with my work? Spill the beans” She said teasingly, and you looked at her with unimpressed eyes.

  “If Chan was the one doing it… Would you find it suspicious?” You asked, arching your brow at her “You’ve been saying I’m too flirty and all that… But I’m beginning to think that you like to think I’m flirting with you, Y/N” You smiled condescendingly at her, tilting your head in a silent mockery.

  “I didn’t say you were flirting with me now” She pointed out, grimacing at you judgingly “I said you were being suspicious” She reiterated “Maybe you’re the one who likes to think I want you to flirt with me, Hyunjin” She sneered, making you scoff as you looked away.

  She was a too attentive piece of shit…

  How could she be so perfect?

  For Lord’s sake… You were wasted.

                                                              ////

   You were lucky enough to not be soaked to the bones.

  You walked into the classroom, fingers running through your wet hair in a slow-motion that wasn’t really intended but also not completely unplanned. You didn’t mean to make it an event but what could you do? You knew what people wanted to see. You stopped in front of the board, fixing your hair as you looked at Y/N, licking the drop of water that reached the corner of your lips.

    You lifted your chin just a little bit, half-lidded eyes fixing on your friends as you stretch your neck, letting the drops slid down your throat to your covered collarbone. You could hear some gasps around, and the quiet admiration fueled your ego as you shook your head to get rid of some of the water in it. You licked your lips, biting them before making your way to your seat.

    You felt Y/N’s eyes on you, lighting up your smugness.

    “Morning” You smirked, tilting your head as you threw her a look, eyebrows millimetrically positioned to give off the confident and sexy vibe you were aiming for “How are you today, ladies?” You asked jokingly, taking off your coat.

    “Cold” Y/N answered mindlessly, studying you from head to toes.

    You chuckled at her ─ making sure your voice sounded husky enough to enhance your attempt to look desirable ─ dusting off your shirt that was half-way opened. You noticed how she fixed her gaze on your bare chest for a second, though you couldn’t really tell what was going through her mind, and you smirked at her as she did. You opened your mouth, ready to tease her about it. The ‘Like what you see?’ almost slipping from your lips.

  “Aren’t you feeling cold like this?” She asked in utter confusion “It’s freezing outside…” She added, tilting her head and looking at you as if you had three heads “Didn’t you see it was going to rain today? Do you need a coat? I can ask Chan to pick up something in my room” She offered, and you had to fight all your instincts not to scowl at her.

   I can ask Chan to pick up something in my room… Tsk.

  Unbelievable.

  You glared at Paris as she snorted, looking at you filled with amusement. You grimaced, pretending to laugh along with her before sulking and sitting down. She pinched her nose’s bridge, trying to concentrate enough to not laugh straight to your face. You were surrounded by great friends… You scoffed, shaking your head in disbelief as you buttoned up your shirt.

  “What are you talking about, Y/N?” Paris asked playfully “Can’t you see that he’s too hot to be cold?” She mocked you, giving you a teasing look that quickly turned out in a pained one as you stepped on her foot.

  “I don’t think that’s how it works” Y/N chuckled, resting her cheek on her palm and leaning forward on her seat to look at both of you.

  “Don’t you think he’s hot enough for heating up the room?” She continued her teasing, and you had to breathe deeply not to slap the back of her head.

  “You guys are so funny… Ha!Ha!Ha!” You rolled your eyes, huffing.

                                                        ////

    You should thank God for not being a spy.

    You couldn’t really say you were doing a good job at hiding your newfound feelings ─ though feelings might be too strong of a word ─ from your friends. It was more than obvious that Chan would find suspicious the fact that you just fucking snapped your head to the mere mention of her name on the phone. So right now ─ as you sat on the couch, back straightened unnaturally ─, his eyes seemed to shoot a hole in your head to search for something in your soul.

      “What?” You spat annoyed, trying to cover up for your slip-up with some fed-up manners that were bound to make him go away if you were lucky.

    You weren’t.

    “What?” He repeated fascinated “I’m the one who should be asking it” He chortled “You almost broke your neck just to pry into my call” He pointed out, brow arching up in suspicion. You pretended not to notice his narrowed eyes and musing; humming before he finally asked it “Hyunjin… Are you into Y/N?” the amusement under his tone was heavy enough to hit you like a brick.

    “Please… What is there to like about her?” You scoffed, but Chan didn’t buy it at all. He crossed his arms over his chest, leaning his back on the counter as he studied you with attentive eyes. You cleared your throat, averting your eyes from him before connecting them again.

    “Well… You tell me” He sneered “I wasn’t the one who got hard because she was on my lap” He reminded you; the teasing mixing with contempt as he huffed “I also wasn’t the one who spent weeks fucking random chicks trying to get the idea of fucking her out of my system” You paled at this, the cold sweat getting to your palms.

    “I wasn’t trying to –” He interrupted you with a scoff.

    “With all due respect… I have known you for years, Hyunjin” He rolled his eyes “You have never once fucked so many girls in a short amount of time like this… And just after you had a boner like a bloody teenager?” He snickered, grimacing at you knowingly “It sounds like someone was trying to prove something to themselves and failed” He tilted his head, challenging you to say otherwise.

    “To be fair, I didn’t fail…” You muttered grumpily “It was all good until she talked with me…” You were fully aware that you weren’t making any sense, grumbling like a kid that had just been separated from their toy.

    “Care to enlighten me?” He smirked.

    Yes, I do! Fuck off…

    This is none of your business!

    What do you have to do with it? Are you her boyfriend?

    “There isn’t much to tell…” You answered instead, shrugging at him “I realized that we have more in common than I thought… And it felt good to be listened to and have someone who understands me…” You cleared your throat “I was pretty much convinced that it was just a thirsty episode after…” You hummed, trying to search for a good word “That week…” You trailed off.

    “So you actually fucked her out of your mind” He chuckled, finding it funny the way you tried to be polite about it now.

    “Yeah…” You agreed embarrassed “And then she started to go after Han and it got me really mad because… Well, you know” You rolled your eyes “She was trying to make it all better and he was treating her like shit and…” You glanced at him uncertain but as his smirk dissolved into a serious expression, you knew he had understood it “Yeah” You concluded warily.

    “It doesn’t answer my question” He pointed out, and you sighed.

    Would he be less attentive someday?

    “So I kinda pretended to kiss her to throw him off…” You mumbled, and you never saw Chan straightening his back so fast before “But I had my thumb over her lips!” You blurted, eyes widening as he uncrossed his arms.

    “You did what?!” He sounded more surprised than mad, brows arched in utter disbelief “And it didn’t cross your mind to tell me this?!” He chortled “Didn’t she punch you or something? She definitely can take you down in a blink of an eye” He mused, looking for any bruises on you.

    “She didn’t” You admitted, still finding it strange “I guess I was too hurt and she saw right through me… She knew that there was something wrong and she wanted to listen to me… So we talked it through and…” You played with your hands, glancing at Chan in expectation “Well, I don’t know what else to say” You shrugged.

    “Just say you like her” He suggested, chuckling at you.

    And that was exactly the thought you were trying to avoid all this time.

    What was it to like someone? You had asked yourself thousands of times already. Was it about what you wanted them to see in you? Was it about what you wanted from them? Was it about how you felt when you were with them? Was it about the understanding between each other? Was it about wanting to be with them?

  You wanted her to see you as the best one out there.

  Although you found this urge silly and embarrassing, you kept acting like a fool every single time you were around her. You thought that trying to make someone like you, acting differently around them, and trying to convince them that you were the best version of yourself… It was definitely liking.

  The problem was that as much as you wanted her to notice you and see you under a whole new light, you knew that there was no need to hide anything… She knew the deepest and darkest parts of you and didn’t run away. So, yeah! Maybe you were putting too much effort ─ even if you weren’t planning to do so ─ into impressing her but you knew that it didn’t matter in the end.

  She liked you just the way you were.

  For you, liking someone meant to be obsessed with things that shouldn’t matter at all. You didn’t expect her to do anything special… You didn’t expect her to say sweet things to you, or take care of you, or run her fingers through your hair… Well, you kinda wanted it but it didn’t really matter. As long as you had her smiling and sharing things with you… As long as she could tease you and laugh with you when you guys stumbled over each other around the campus…

    You didn’t want her to go out of her way for you.

    You wanted to be on her way.

    You couldn’t remember a time when you felt genuinely happy with a girl… You could remember being smug as you walked around with them as if they were your new trophy. You could remember being playful and teasing and thirsty… Well, you could definitely remember being thirsty a lot of times. Yet, you couldn’t remember feeling so… At home? You didn’t even know if you could actually say something like that.

    It was like she could understand all of you and still welcome you at the end of her day. It was like she could set you on fire and give you some kind of light and warmth that you didn’t feel for ages. It was like being with her was an adventure and still, you didn’t fear anything when you were beside her.

  It was humiliating to feel like this.

  And you probably were a hell of a masochist because you loved it.

  You had to be stupid to think that all that had come from a simple talk on a Friday afternoon. You knew it was much more than that. It came from years of being disgusted with each other… Hiding and searching for the greatest weakness you could find. It came from being vulnerable enough to open up and redeem yourselves… It came from accepting each other… It came from listening, sharing, teasing, healing…

    You scoffed, nodding at Chan as you met his eyes.

    “Yeah… Maybe I like her” You agreed, lowering your gaze to the floor.

    The problem was that Friday didn’t show you how you liked her… It showed you every single thing you were trying to ignore until now. It showed you how much you have gone through and how much both of you were connected to some extent.

    It showed you that liking wasn’t quite the word you were looking for.

                                                            ////

    The first step was to acknowledge your feelings.

    Bullshit.

    The first step should be you burying your feet into Chan and Paris’ heads so they could stop being so painfully obvious about all of it. Was it just in your head or were they actually working together to humiliate you right now? Maybe they were just too excited… To be fair, you couldn’t understand what was going on inside their heads anymore.

    It wasn’t like knowing your friend’s favorite dish was a crime, right?

    Apparently, to the two holy detectives that watched every single step of yours, it was the worst of the crimes; worthy of knowing looks and teasing kicks. What a great way to live your life. You deadpanned as you looked at them, arching your brows to see Paris giggling as she retreated her leg and Chan smirking in your way. You let a hint of disgust show on your face as you wandered your eyes between both of them, wondering why ordering Y/N’s favorite dish should be an event now.

  So what that you wanted to please her?

  “Isn’t that like your favorite dish, Y/N?” Paris decided to play innocent. The way you had to hold back to not kick her under the table ─ just like she had been doing with you every two minutes ─ was worthy of mention on Guinness Books.

    “Won’t you go to the kitchen to cook it?” Chan arched his brow playfully, and you closed your eyes to breathe deeply, trying to stay composed. You opened your eyes to stare at him, lips quivering as you held back a grimace and laughed it off sarcastically.

    Of course, Y/N laughed about it as well.

    So maybe on Saturday ─ when you finally acknowledge your feelings to Chan after he invited her over for lunch ─ you had let it all go to your head and tried to pretend you were a good cooker… But did he need to expose you like that? What a great friend you had! You kinda expected Chan to tease you about your feelings but you also thought it would be something more… Private, to say the least.

  So, I made it for you…  You had said to her and as soon as those words came out of your mouth, Chan chortled, almost choking on his food, throwing you an amused look.

  You meant made the order, right? He laughed, and Y/N giggled along with him, pushing your shoulder.

   “Fucking hilarious” You snickered, scrunching your nose “You should drop Med school and try to be a comedian or something… You’re so talented” You added, utterly done with them.

  “You make it too easy” Y/N mocked you, grinning as she rested her cheeks on her hands, leaning on the table “No, but seriously now!” She said, grinning dissolving to an attentive frown “Even though roasting Hyunjin is one of my favorites hobbies” You scoffed, rolling your eyes “Paris and I actually wanted to invite you guys to a party” You frowned at her conclusion, tilting your head, intrigued.

  “A party?” You decided to make sure, suspicious of it.

  “Yeah” Paris intervened, smiling at you “Minho got into a team!” She said excitedly, and you couldn’t help but snort, grimacing at her as if she had just told you the best joke ever.

  “So what? We don’t even talk to him” You pointed out, getting a nod from Chan, who also seemed curious about their suggestion “I mean… Congratulations to him! But why would I go to a party because of this?” You questioned, narrowing your eyes at Paris.

  “Well… Han—“ You chortled, poking your cheek with your tongue.

  “Really?” You sneered “So Han suddenly have the time and the urge to speak to you again?” You rolled your eyes “Unbelievable…” You darted your eyes at both of them, frowning “And both of you are going to go?” You gestured between them, arching your brow.

  “And hopefully you and Chan!” Paris chirped, trying to keep the mood at the table “Come on… He was having a hard time figuring everything out and finally, something worked for him!” She pleaded, offering you big doe eyes that didn’t make you flinch a bit “Come on, Hyunjin! Do it for the team!” She forced a smile, and you sighed, shoulders dropping as you did.

  “What in the hell makes you think that we would agree to go to his party?” You asked tiredly “You know far too well that I don’t like him… He hates me, he punched me, he hurt Y/N… I don’t have a single reason to talk to him” You enumerated, pulling one finger at a time as you did.

  “He’s our friend, Hyunjin” Y/N reminded you “We’ll keep talking and walking with him and if you both keep hating on each other it’ll make everything awkward” You scowled at her “Just saying!” She shrugged “You don’t need to come but Paris and I really want you and Chan to get along with him at some point” You tried to hold her gaze but ended up averting your eyes anyway, tsking.

    “Well… I don’t have anything against him” Chan shrugged “I don’t need to go to a party to hang out with him… I hung out with Paris wanting to choke her every once in a while for all this time!” He added, chuckling as she tried to slap his arm.

    “Will it hurt you to go to a party, Chan?” Y/N nagged, rolling her eyes and getting a chortle out of all of you “I’m counting on your Daddy vibes to keep Hyunjin under your wing and prevent them from fighting” She pouted, trying to convince him.

    Ridiculous and yet cute… What the hell.

    “I don’t even go to parties to have fun… Why would I ever go to babysit them?” He grimaced, arching his brow “Moreover… Pouting doesn’t work with me, Sweety” He smirked, patting her hand over the table “You’ll have to try a little bit harder” He sneered, and she kicked him under the table, smiling obnoxiously at him.

    “Was that hard enough?” She taunted.

  “What about a deal?” Paris interrupted, trying to negotiate “If we convince one of you to go by the end of the day, then both of you will come with us” She smirked, throwing you a smug look that made you scoff, tilting your head.

  “Deal” You shook her hand.

  There was no way that Chan would agree to go.

                                                                ////

  So you had a party on Saturday.

  “How the hell did you convince him?” You whined, looking at Paris in a devasted way as you sauntered through the campus, trying to find a bench to sit down. She chuckled, nudging you and taking a look at your face before grinning mischievously, shrugging her shoulders.

  “I have my ways…” She answered mysteriously, making you roll your eyes.

  “You’re working together to play matchmaker, aren’t you?” She stuck her lower lip out, tilting her head in a mocking way that said ‘who knows?’ and making you shake your head in disbelief “You’re sly as hell” You whined, getting a chortle from her.

  “Come on! You clearly need it!” She insisted “You’re being way too obvious, Hyunjin! Paying attention to her likings? Buying her coffee? Ordering food and pretending to cook it?” She snorted, grimacing at you playfully “Trying to seduce her with a half-opened shirt?” She broke into a fit of giggles, probably picturing the humiliating scene.

  “Look, I wasn’t thinking straight at the time” You scowled at her, pouting as you thought about it “If it really was that obvious, she would have said something by now” You pointed out, and Paris snickered, giving you a thumb up in mockery.

  “Yeah! Because Han was so subtle and she totally figured him out” She sneered, and you couldn’t bring yourself to disagree. In fact, Y/N was blind to any kind of romantic feelings. You could come with a bouquet and a love letter… She would still find a way to see it as a great gesture of friendship.

    You were too naïve for your own good.

  “It’ll be so cute to see the two of you dating!” She chirped, eyes twinkling as she clasped her hands together, finally sitting down on a bench. She looked straight at you, waiting for you to say something, but you couldn’t bring yourself to answer her at first.

    Dating? Who said anything about dating? You didn’t want to date her… You frowned as you looked at Paris, unsure of what to say to her as you cleared your throat, wondering how you should put it. Yes, you might be in love with her but… Dating? You snorted. A relationship demanded too much from you… Were you ready to attach to someone like this?

  You didn’t think so.

  “What is it?” She narrowed her eyes at you, suspicious of your behavior “Why do you look like…” She studied you from head to toes before settling her gaze on your face “…This?” She floundered her hand around, gesturing at you with a disgusted frown.

  “What do you mean?” You tried to play dumb, sitting down beside her.

  “You know far too well what I’m talking about” She accused, eyes narrowing once again “Hyunjin, by any means are you thinking about playing with Y/N as you do to the other girls?” She asked cautiously, searching for any sign on your eyes that confirmed her assumption.

  “Never” You reassured her, hand going to squeeze her knee “It’s just… I mean, I don’t think I’m ready to go all in, you know? Yeah, I like her and all this… She’s my dear friend and I may or may not be in…” You gulped down, eyes darting at her as you cleared your throat “…to her” You finished, afraid to speak your real feelings out loud.

  “In…To her?” She snorted, looking away for a second before throwing you a look “You’re in love with her, that’s what you are” She rolled her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief “You never did anything like this before, Hyunjin… You’re the type of guy who has people throwing themselves at your feet” She acknowledges, and you shrugged smugly, a playful smirk playing on your lips “Tell me one time you tried so hard to get someone’s attention” She requested, crossing her arms and leaning back on the bench in a silent challenge.

    Romantically?

    Not even once.

    “Exactly” She grimaced, looking at you as if she could read your mind “If you don’t want to date her, why are you trying so damn hard? What is your point?” She asked skeptically, tilting her head as you opened your mouth to answer her.

  Just to close it again in wonder.

  She was right… Why were you trying to impress her so much if you had no intentions of actually getting into a relationship or something? It was more than obvious that Y/N wouldn’t be the kind to hook up with you and then just go with it… As far as you could tell, she had no experience in love. None. At all. There was no way she was going to just go with the flow and… And what? What were you expecting from all this?

  “Hey, Hyunjin” The husky voice got you out of your thoughts, making you realize that someone was standing right in front of you. Not only someone. You remembered her from… Maybe a month ago? You couldn’t even remember last time you got laid “I haven’t heard from you for a while…” She continued; tone still sexy enough to turn your smug façade on “New catch?” She asked, studying Paris for a second, a subtle smirk on her lips.

    “We’re just friends” Paris voiced your thoughts before you could, jolting her leg for you to let go of her knee. The girl chuckled, tilting her head as she seemed to eat Paris with her eyes, licking her lips before averting her eyes to you.

    “Yeah… I’ve been his friend a couple of times too” She joked, winking at you “If you guys are up to more friends…” She let her sentence hang in the air, shifting her gaze in a suggestive way that made you flustered. Good Lord… She was asking Paris to join your… Oh my God.

    “No need!” You blurted out, getting up abruptly “I mean- Do you want to be her friend?” You looked at Paris startled at the thought, getting furrowed brows that answered you right away “We don’t need any more friends, thank you!” You rushed to say, getting a blank stare before she averted her eyes to Paris, landing them on her for a few seconds.

    “I see…” She hummed, smiling at both of you mysteriously before throwing a few glances over her shoulder as she walked away.

    For some reason, it didn’t settle too well on your stomach.  

                                                        ////

    You snorted, rolling your eyes as you smirked at Paris.

    “I’m telling you!” She insisted, leaning forwards to slap Minho softly on the knee “The girl just came out of nowhere and suggested a threesome with me!” She laughed, leaning back on the chair as Minho huffed in disbelief.

    “There’s no way” He looked at you in awe “I’ve heard your reputation but… I mean- Where can I sign in?” He joked, arching his brows playfully as he chuckled. He crossed his arms, letting his body relax on the chair as he looked at you in amusement, tilting his head as he seemed to ponder something.

    It turned out that Minho wasn’t as unbearable as you thought.  

  “You’re not really my type” You fought back a smile as he scowled, nagging at you as he gestured mindlessly for you to get off of his tail “I guess you have to be born with a pretty face like me” You joked, and he groaned in answer, throwing his head back.

    “Is that what you need to get girls now? Have an obnoxious attitude like this?” He scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief as he connected his gaze to you again, trying to hide his smile “You’re not really my type either, baby boy” He scorned, grimacing at you sarcastically.

    “Who said he gets all the girls?” Paris teased, looking at you with grinning eyes that twinkled devilishly “A little bird told me that Hyunjin has a crush on someone and I haven’t seen him getting laid recently” You glared at her; lips quivering as you tried to hold back your frown.      

    “Wait” Y/N slowly raised her eyes from her beer, snapping them at you in surprise “You’re crushing on someone and everybody knows except me?” You paled, clearing your throat as you stared blankly at her, trying to think of an answer.

    That’s how blind you are…

    It’s not my fault you have such busybody friends!

    Yep! Because that’s you.

    “Aren’t you too interested in my love life?” You asked instead, trying to maintain a smug façade as you smirked at her, arching your eyebrow questioningly. She narrowed her eyes at you, seeing right through your attempt to change the subject. You hated when she did that… Yet, it was kinda endearing to know that she could figure you out like this.

    “I won’t even begin to talk about how you’re always meddling in my life” She raised her hand as if to tell you to stop with your bullshit “You’re a fuckboy and you’re not getting laid! How can I not be curious about this?” She scoffed, making you chortle.

    “I see… So you’re interested in my sex life” You corrected yourself, and she rolled her eyes “You can’t just live your sex life through me, sweetheart” You teased, pouting at her as she glared at you, clearly done with your teasing “You should have your own experiences… Actually having some sex instead of trying to stick your nose into my business” You chuckled as she huffed, poking her cheek with her tongue.

    “Who said I didn’t?” She arched her brow in a challenge.

    “What?” You asked, tilting your head in confusion as she gulped down her beer.

    “Who said I didn’t get laid?” She repeated, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared at you “I may not be like you but I had a share of affairs as well” She shrugged nonchalantly, and you could swear your jaw was on the ground by now.

    “You’re not a virgin?!” You blurted out in utter surprise hand snapping to your mouth as soon as the question slipped from your lips “Sorry! I didn’t mean to ask that” You rushed to say but she just snorted.

    “I always thought you were a virgin” Minho added anyway, sounding surprised as he frowned at you “You’re always working and eating hot dog… When the hell did you have the time to bang?” He asked in wonder, tilting his head “I can’t be the only one who’s not getting some here” He nagged, making you chortle.

    “You guys are too naïve” Paris chuckled “Y/N was clearly the cool mysterious kid that had a bunch of people over her feet!” She reasoned, gesturing to Y/N to make her point “It’s obvious that she got laid at some point of her life! Just look at her” She stated matter-of-factly, giving you all a know-it-all look.

    “Not really” Y/N chortled “I just got laid because I ended up hooking up with Chan—“ You could have choked to death right at that moment but as soon as you opened your mouth to gasp, Chan’s voice reached your ears, startling you to the point that your choking died on your throat.

    “Hey, Sweety!” He called, interrupting her “Can you come over here?” He gestured for her to get closer, and she frowned at him, suspicious of his behavior “I wanna talk to you” He added, making her sigh in surrender.

    You watched her making the way to Chan, attentive eyes glued on his figure as you tried to process what she had just said. So Chan and Y/N hooked up in the past? And they had sex?! You were kinda suspicious of them lately… You wouldn’t lie. The sheets all messed up in the morning? His comment on how she was like a beast? The way he inquired you about your feelings on that night? The way he held to the bulge incident? The way he spent over a week at her place?

    They had to have something going on…

    You clicked your tongue as you thought about it, furrowing your brows as she finally got to his side, being guided ─ and you didn’t fail to notice his hand on the small of her back ─ to somewhere more private. The thing that didn’t make any sense was that Chan was actually trying to help you out to get your feelings out of your chest… Why would he do that if he liked her? But again… Who said anything about liking? They could be just banging.

    “Wow” Minho said as soon as she left, looking at you and Paris “So the rumors are true? They’re together?” He arched his brows in awe. As soon as he arched his, you frowned yours, confused by his question. What rumors?

    “What are you talking about?” Paris asked, as lost as you.

    “Haven’t you guys heard about it? I’ve heard Chan has been visiting her at the library and there are even some rumors talking about how he spent the night at her dorm” He explained, trying to find any signs on both of you that confirmed those rumors “Chan is quite popular, so I guess people just tend to pay attention to it… He also called her sweety right now, didn’t he?” You scoffed, poking your cheek.

    “People talk too much” You reassured him “There is no way they’re dating… One of them would tell us” You looked into Minho’s eyes, shrugging “Never heard them fucking either” You added, shifting your gaze to Paris, looking for something that gave them away “So I guess those are just rumors…” You chuckled, trying to act nonchalantly.

    You weren’t so sure yourself though.

                                                       ////

Obviously I had to forget something LOL

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